Mindfulness gets rid of a conditioned existence. Now, in the 'real' world one works because of associations. I know my bus would come at a certain time because it came yesterday, and day before...so its functionality for us, not to be taken to the heart. I should not become upset if it didnt come today, if I really meditate. Meditation is not automated, not a conditioning. The effort of being in the present, even the most wonderful moments of being without 'thought' are small achievements compared to a yogi who is mindful of deeper associations and gets rid of them (vipassi) in each moment. Even without associations, surprisingly (for most of us, we dont know functionality can exist without associations) functionality remains but there is an added clear perception, existence is no longer compulsive and mechanical, the existential angst goes away, no phobias and compulsions remain over time. This state comes gradually, even to a meditator. Ideas of love and self ungergo change as one progresses. One becomes radical enough to love enemies n friends alike. Therefore instead of forming associations, as the man from the woods says, give space.
Vipassana is an effort of seeing, of seeing outside what the id tells us. It is tremendously unsettling to become strange to one's own ideas, they were never our ideas, they were associations
Also, a conditioned mind becomes incapable of the real. It seems rude to be saying this. Like some people want to feel compassion, they can keep on reciting it, might believe they have compassion but they are still far from it, self-convincing is not compassion...
It will come by itself when there are precepts, no hatred, no greed, u know
My Earlier Post
Associations
Some association are more real: I had spice and was breathing out fire, literally, could feel my hot spicy breath on the finger tips as I rested my cheek on my hand.
Some associations are not real. Like falling in love with someone ;)
All associations are neither good nor bad.
For starters, all associations are bad!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Looking at things
No matter how advanced in meditation, I observed what I would like in a meditator is how much space s/he has
Like, looking back, I thought to myself it is not about how poor or how good I am at it already, its about being basic, being simple, bring Truthful to myself. I might have a rich bank balance of good karma or not, the only thing that matters is that I had the fortune to listen and practice dhamma. Also, it really does not matter where on the path I stand, I have to set sight on the next pace and the final goal, no left or right ;)
It becomes easier to know u have to be/act the same, keep getting lighter. Some have made tremendous progress without knowing much, or having extraordinary skills, they just had a simpler disposition ... I think thats what matters in ultimate success. Simple, clear, noble wins, no matter how big or small
Metta
Like, looking back, I thought to myself it is not about how poor or how good I am at it already, its about being basic, being simple, bring Truthful to myself. I might have a rich bank balance of good karma or not, the only thing that matters is that I had the fortune to listen and practice dhamma. Also, it really does not matter where on the path I stand, I have to set sight on the next pace and the final goal, no left or right ;)
It becomes easier to know u have to be/act the same, keep getting lighter. Some have made tremendous progress without knowing much, or having extraordinary skills, they just had a simpler disposition ... I think thats what matters in ultimate success. Simple, clear, noble wins, no matter how big or small
Metta
Monday, February 8, 2010
Disarmed
Though low on music I started on some sounds:
Majushri Mantra
and things like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM981Hz692w&feature=related
Nothing seemed to happen for months, though I did calm down, the mantras replacing other thoughts and filling my mind with sounds reminding me of associations, boddhisatvas, pragya and most importantly metta, giving a rhythm ... everything seemed to remind me of purity and love.
Then on Thursday I put on headphones to attend a training, I opened a * 4 minute chant out of habit, something stirred so massively I was close to tears, my face lost the usual 'normal' expression ... I just wanted to cry, got close to tears and in a few seconds went back to work!
Work is work ;)
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYO7mWq3Og&feature=related
There is love n respect. Someone just returned from Japan, talked of respect as 'culture' ... may be it can be more real. May be love is respect, may be bravery is respect, may be love is respect LOL
...had last meal of the day at 5, a small serving of boiled Chickpea and an apple, will spend the evening doing Yoga, starts at 7!
Majushri Mantra
and things like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM981Hz692w&feature=related
Nothing seemed to happen for months, though I did calm down, the mantras replacing other thoughts and filling my mind with sounds reminding me of associations, boddhisatvas, pragya and most importantly metta, giving a rhythm ... everything seemed to remind me of purity and love.
Then on Thursday I put on headphones to attend a training, I opened a * 4 minute chant out of habit, something stirred so massively I was close to tears, my face lost the usual 'normal' expression ... I just wanted to cry, got close to tears and in a few seconds went back to work!
Work is work ;)
*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciYO7mWq3Og&feature=related
There is love n respect. Someone just returned from Japan, talked of respect as 'culture' ... may be it can be more real. May be love is respect, may be bravery is respect, may be love is respect LOL
...had last meal of the day at 5, a small serving of boiled Chickpea and an apple, will spend the evening doing Yoga, starts at 7!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Like it?
With some realisations lately . . . how I wasnt sad in one extreme situation, and now not happy in another blessed one. It feels like I have only become a big glacier melting away
Peace
Peace
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
'Word' is not the Object
Learning is onerous.
Set against the background of morals and ethics that change from person to person with very little to give one a lead, it can be conflicting to think of meditation in a real context. It might be conflicting thought that a meditator lives with no lust for life, and yet manages to make effort and acquire skills that can make a gymnast jealous, to speak figuratively ;) But attaining skills is not the aim.
Like a veil lifting from everything I see, my memory has improved a bit. I am more involved with my world lately as there seemed to be better articulation n better balance. This is coming after a phase when I thought I was going wrong somewhere … but it seems that sometimes you just keep going and keep paying on the right path and not worry about the rest. However, this post is not about that. The post was supposed to start as ‘The joy of meditation has shifted from objects.’ At home I have a bowl and a plate I eat from, meditating on the plate while eating. There is a mat I sit on to meditate … but while traveling the only ‘object’ I relied on to meditate was the breath. Suddenly I realized that meditation was not dependent on the object/s. There was no need for tangible objects for some time as if there was a disassociation. Even words/language are not directly linked to meditation. My senses are all the time taking in the surroundings … and the hold on the sensory objects eased a little, this seemed to be a significant moment.
But learning is onerous, and I am still learning. Am back to figure out the mechanics of balancing with tangible objects, but with much less passion for life, much less clinging. And as if a new phase has started, there is better balance with the world and its hypocrisy.
As I move on the path, I realize how significant it is to be moral to keep going. Just to get started one needs morality. (ref. Five Precepts)
Set against the background of morals and ethics that change from person to person with very little to give one a lead, it can be conflicting to think of meditation in a real context. It might be conflicting thought that a meditator lives with no lust for life, and yet manages to make effort and acquire skills that can make a gymnast jealous, to speak figuratively ;) But attaining skills is not the aim.
Like a veil lifting from everything I see, my memory has improved a bit. I am more involved with my world lately as there seemed to be better articulation n better balance. This is coming after a phase when I thought I was going wrong somewhere … but it seems that sometimes you just keep going and keep paying on the right path and not worry about the rest. However, this post is not about that. The post was supposed to start as ‘The joy of meditation has shifted from objects.’ At home I have a bowl and a plate I eat from, meditating on the plate while eating. There is a mat I sit on to meditate … but while traveling the only ‘object’ I relied on to meditate was the breath. Suddenly I realized that meditation was not dependent on the object/s. There was no need for tangible objects for some time as if there was a disassociation. Even words/language are not directly linked to meditation. My senses are all the time taking in the surroundings … and the hold on the sensory objects eased a little, this seemed to be a significant moment.
But learning is onerous, and I am still learning. Am back to figure out the mechanics of balancing with tangible objects, but with much less passion for life, much less clinging. And as if a new phase has started, there is better balance with the world and its hypocrisy.
As I move on the path, I realize how significant it is to be moral to keep going. Just to get started one needs morality. (ref. Five Precepts)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Carriers of Circmstance
The thing about wisdom is that it is larger than us.
I got up from tea very very irritated at what she said. She was there when I was born and I had considered her my strength and resort in the years when none around me seemed 'right'. She seemed a pillar of strength and dignity. Dignity in hardship was what she stood for ... she said something so deluded. She must be mad. Overtime I had realised how partial she was to her kin, how her genuine goodness got colored by the mean folks she is with. But the core hasnt changed and she is still open to goodness. At 80, cynicism has not quite set in. But I can see how bad environments can ruin such beautiful folks.
So, I heard such unpleasant words from her. Wisdom says I had to face it and she is a carrier of circumstance. Not her fault. She will function and I have to breathe it out. I wont give a damn to what she said, correct her and might help her, if nothing else, love her from a distance.
I felt detached. Dukkha ... good or bad we all fall down someday, its brilliant how this fact gives so much energy to meditate!
I got up from tea very very irritated at what she said. She was there when I was born and I had considered her my strength and resort in the years when none around me seemed 'right'. She seemed a pillar of strength and dignity. Dignity in hardship was what she stood for ... she said something so deluded. She must be mad. Overtime I had realised how partial she was to her kin, how her genuine goodness got colored by the mean folks she is with. But the core hasnt changed and she is still open to goodness. At 80, cynicism has not quite set in. But I can see how bad environments can ruin such beautiful folks.
So, I heard such unpleasant words from her. Wisdom says I had to face it and she is a carrier of circumstance. Not her fault. She will function and I have to breathe it out. I wont give a damn to what she said, correct her and might help her, if nothing else, love her from a distance.
I felt detached. Dukkha ... good or bad we all fall down someday, its brilliant how this fact gives so much energy to meditate!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Peacocks Dance
I went into my backyard. Winter sun, lonely, some peacocks, and parrots. I love the pine trees duo. I had gone with headphones and the mobile in case I get a call, generally upset about the power cut that pulled me away from the computer screen.
I plug in the headphones and there's music, I had missed yoga in the morn. I start with that intention and end up just dancing. Something amazing happened. I never knew peacock was fond of dance, not like that. (I sometimes feed these dozens of peacocks in the backyard and since the past year and half have begun to understand my shy neighbors) Peacocks looked on, amazed, and danced too! This time of the year they are still growing new feathers (they shed them each year) and they dont generally dance in groups, not with humans. This happened for some time and I ended up just looking at them till both sides humans and peacocks lost the natural wonder. I am back on my desk, with, as if, heady pleasure.
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