Ok, there is a parameter to measure how much you love others/yourself, and we are going to discuss that.
Lets begin with a question:
What aspects about yourself you feel are more pronounced or become important to you when you are in presence of others?
Lets leave that question there. Forget the question.
You will judge others on norms, by the norms you use to judge yourself - deeply thats an indication of how have you personally placed your self-worth. (So, people who are generally critical/in awe of the world, are people who need to place importance to loving/accepting themselves, as they are, and only then think about making any progress in real terms, otherwise successes will become hollow ;)
Mostly, self-worth sometimes may not even be dependent on outside circumstance, for example, the most beautiful model may be completely insecure about her looks, you know, so you need to really see what is your self-worth in your own eyes, or rather be secure and be real about loving yourself without letting anything external or physical being a factor in this. The extent to which you can love yourself - that is how far you will go about loving others too, no further. So yeah, dont be surprised if the the model's boyfriend may complain to her that he doesn't feel loved ... he doesnt feel love because she has not yet learned to love (herself). Again, loving not dependent on outside, not at all on outside physical circumstance/merits etc. Personal sense of self-worth, thats all.
...one has to feel loving compassion towards oneself, before one ventures into meditation, or loving for that matter.
Only when love is present, can we expect something real to happen.
In matters of love, the amount of delight you feel for other’s progress, beauty, well-being, is related, somehow, to how much love you feel for yourself. Not only in between couples but also strangers. Appreciation for others, delight you feel for others (sometimes even more than the person himself) helps to cultivate a warm heart.
I heard one monk say, “If you haven’t cried from your heart yet, you haven’t even begun meditation” (He said this to someone on meditation retreat … oh! I remember crying myself, not grieving but I have cried on retreats from joy, gratitude and sometimes just crying as if flood gates opened, crying without reason-opening up, melting)
Ok, along similar lines, one cant meditate unless one has some love towards oneself, acceptance and joy. From this station of joy will you move further. Cultivate joy, and to cultivate joy you need love. To cultivate love for yourself, true acceptance, learn to take true delight in goodness, in progress of others, and even if you don’t have that much or this much, feel glad that someone out there is happy. Even for strangers, even in flowers, learn to feel delighted for simple (or complex ;) instances of beauty, wisdom and prosperity. You may not need to express this physically or verbally to the person you are feeling joy for, but feel real delight, not jealousy. These are traits to be cultivated for a pure heart, bright luminous heart.
May the joy spread.
Oh the parameter! The parameter is the extent to which you feel joy for others (regardless of your situation) is the extent to which you have loved yourself and have deeper tones of acceptance. So, if you find yourself smiling wistfully, after walking back from a party, or feel joy when loved one is blessed with a child, or feel grateful that the neighbor could pay the mortgage ... well, know that you love yourself better.
Monks develop fascinating fascinating compassion, so much so that it has the power to do others well, make others feel warmth of their presence. There is so much detachment and so much purity in their love. As if they dont love you for your merits, or beauty, but because loving is their second nature ... rest doesnt matter, you are loved! Who would not grow and develop merit in midst of such teachers. Even without a teacher, may you too, dear one, find acceptance for yourself, cause it is only after accpetance and some joy that one can learn and develop, not before. One does not get rich and then work happily (one will keep dreaming then and will perhaps even be disappointed even if one manages to get rich, or earn that degree) one has to learn to love their work, and then perhaps they can earn their rewards :)
