New Year Group Sitting

Foggy morning, drunk drivers and pollution. Made my way to the group retreat after walking the dog I am taking care of these days, without the much needed breakfast (all the hunger gone - I am trying to keep the precepts and don’t eat supper … though I don’t strictly stick to 'dont eat after 12 noon' routine. I was very much inclined to eat last night but contemplated on the ‘filthy’ aspects of food and could overcome, easily, though it took a while for the desire to leave completely, I dont know how to lose ;)

I think New Year is opportune time to explain ‘condensed experience’* (making up these terms, actual experience in meditation doesn’t need these ‘terms like condensed experience’). Condensed experience: Do you see how you look at the year/s gone by and pump up a resolution – the magic of condensed experience.

How it works? Well, some cleansing from looking back at the larger picture objectively. Real time, some moments of truth :) Also, you might not want to think this way right now, but this is like death, some chunk of my life gone, never to be retrieved. Just that in death All of it is gone.

You are suddenly glad for the leftovers.

I reached the meditation group sitting:
This old guy (teacher) conducted the meditation, and I sat down, and he answered some technical aspects of meditation with great ease and resolved doubts I had for some months. He approved and disapproved at right places. It was like taking your script to the editor, and let her suggest changes (my managerial editor was a ‘she’ :)

For general sharing on this forum, two lessons came up

One, meditators often feel pressed for spiritual experiences. It is funny and wrong to look for tangible benefits like glowing skin and perfect health from meditation, but people expect it anyway. So, the lesson is work for your material goals, keep your job/house/pet in good shape and be clear that only when you work with these things will there be better outcomes. Meditation does not help out there … yeah it can give you inspiration and guidance like being more moral in your life, being patient and spreading goodwill.

Second, mistakes happen. This insight was profound and has come after many many mini-insight-moments about the same thing. One of the things that happens to us, especially when we visit our family and old friends, is that they remind us of our mistakes. Now, the meditative mind will tell you to ‘let go’ of the past. Now that’s a cosmetic thing-let go. What I learnt was to take advantage of these mistake remembrances thrown into my face. These are like old untangled knots brought out. I carefully investigate – can I do something about it now. If I can do it, I will bend my back to amend. Most often though, its too late for amendments. In that case face the mistakes (not dwell on them), explore it and let it not cloud you this time (now here we use a practical tool of vendana, and remain equanimous to associated sensations on the body). Mistakes become a means to clear and uproot old sankharas, the imperfections. No guilt traps, no more!

Creating ‘Unknown’

So much of us wants to work with labels/names/identifying.

When you sit to meditate, just give space to unknown, create this space deliberately. See if you can stay there :) This will enable learning, welcoming, creating space and for once backing off from the stage of the 'doing' occupying mind

Without being open to unknown, you sit trying to tell your mind, such and such experience, or this or that…u wont come out any better, would you? (breath takes you there, an accompaniment towards unknown)

Like a plant needs room to grow, space…
So, when you sit, just sit still, creating space for unknown. Usually, we are afraid of unknown, we want to label things…

*Meditation on Nothingness

How much do you love ‘me’?

Ok, there is a parameter to measure how much you love others/yourself, and we are going to discuss that.

Lets begin with a question:

What aspects about yourself you feel are more pronounced or become important to you when you are in presence of others?

Lets leave that question there. Forget the question.

You will judge others on norms, by the norms you use to judge yourself - deeply thats an indication of how have you personally placed your self-worth. (So, people who are generally critical/in awe of the world, are people who need to place importance to loving/accepting themselves, as they are, and only then think about making any progress in real terms, otherwise successes will become hollow ;)
Mostly, self-worth sometimes may not even be dependent on outside circumstance, for example, the most beautiful model may be completely insecure about her looks, you know, so you need to really see what is your self-worth in your own eyes, or rather be secure and be real about loving yourself without letting anything external or physical being a factor in this. The extent to which you can love yourself - that is how far you will go about loving others too, no further. So yeah, dont be surprised if the the model's boyfriend may complain to her that he doesn't feel loved ... he doesnt feel love because she has not yet learned to love (herself). Again, loving not dependent on outside, not at all on outside physical circumstance/merits etc. Personal sense of self-worth, thats all.

...one has to feel loving compassion towards oneself, before one ventures into meditation, or loving for that matter.

Only when love is present, can we expect something real to happen.

In matters of love, the amount of delight you feel for other’s progress, beauty, well-being, is related, somehow, to how much love you feel for yourself. Not only in between couples but also strangers. Appreciation for others, delight you feel for others (sometimes even more than the person himself) helps to cultivate a warm heart.

I heard one monk say, “If you haven’t cried from your heart yet, you haven’t even begun meditation” (He said this to someone on meditation retreat … oh! I remember crying myself, not grieving but I have cried on retreats from joy, gratitude and sometimes just crying as if flood gates opened, crying without reason-opening up, melting)
Ok, along similar lines, one cant meditate unless one has some love towards oneself, acceptance and joy. From this station of joy will you move further. Cultivate joy, and to cultivate joy you need love. To cultivate love for yourself, true acceptance, learn to take true delight in goodness, in progress of others, and even if you don’t have that much or this much, feel glad that someone out there is happy. Even for strangers, even in flowers, learn to feel delighted for simple (or complex ;) instances of beauty, wisdom and prosperity. You may not need to express this physically or verbally to the person you are feeling joy for, but feel real delight, not jealousy. These are traits to be cultivated for a pure heart, bright luminous heart.

May the joy spread.

Oh the parameter! The parameter is the extent to which you feel joy for others (regardless of your situation) is the extent to which you have loved yourself and have deeper tones of acceptance. So, if you find yourself smiling wistfully, after walking back from a party, or feel joy when loved one is blessed with a child, or feel grateful that the neighbor could pay the mortgage ... well, know that you love yourself better.

Monks develop fascinating fascinating compassion, so much so that it has the power to do others well, make others feel warmth of their presence. There is so much detachment and so much purity in their love. As if they dont love you for your merits, or beauty, but because loving is their second nature ... rest doesnt matter, you are loved! Who would not grow and develop merit in midst of such teachers. Even without a teacher, may you too, dear one, find acceptance for yourself, cause it is only after accpetance and some joy that one can learn and develop, not before. One does not get rich and then work happily (one will keep dreaming then and will perhaps even be disappointed even if one manages to get rich, or earn that degree) one has to learn to love their work, and then perhaps they can earn their rewards :)

What is Individual reality?

Patanjali mentioned this in his yoga sutras (and Buddha too)

Patanjali/Buddha talked of three kinds of intuitive knowledge

Sutmaya Pragya (heard or received knowledge, say information u gather when you read etc.)
Chintamaya Pragya ( knowledge through deduction, reasoning, contemplation – not direct)
Bhanvanamaya Pragya (Experiential knowledge)

Just wanted to share this before we ‘begin’ this post 

~
There is connectedness (when people talk of universality) that is most often lost or misunderstood as and when it is quoted and re-interpreted.

Unity or onesness that we feel as a mystic quality is not so mystic after all, I err think. (All this “I am / I am the Universe/ I am You … is sort of nasty etched with pride of a literally 'bloated' ego. If there is no 'I' there is no 'you', or rule out relativity/duality/whatever!)
It is good to talk about what is, rather than what is not, so:

It appears, what it truly means is something more humbling :)
It means that we are not ‘special’, not different as a subject of natural laws that operate our minds and body, than other beings subjected to it. That we are not special, .... humbling isnt it, not even one of us:)

So mindful of how or in what light we make our mental/vocal/physical actions defines a lot about us, just as it would define for any other creature with the capacity to perform these actions. We are no different, no exceptions to the Truth. In that sense, yeah, we are one with the universe. Its a deep err ...realization, the deeper you go - the more connected, more in sync, the more perfect your being will be :)

Just that.

Tendencies

after sleep, next best evil is constant remembrance/inclination to be sad or anxious

My Universe

Context: Practice

Well minfulness (not bare mindfulness, but sampajjana with understanding of non-self and impermanence) means that nothing is more important than awareness of mental qualities and our non reaction to these.



Sampajjana is a state when one can be reactionless at all times, and still work with thoughts and involvements. Perception remains, thought/s remains, awareness toward sensations remain and relative equanimity (to the extent one can muster up) remains at All Times, even while sleeping :)

I mean one has to use thoughts and cant be blank at all times. There is motion, there is touch and one has to use thoughs and recolections even if one wants to go to the loo, to 'remember' the way to it, to differentiate between a men's facility and a woman's -

One has to place priority. Things that are in the lower order, remain there, even if they take my time full force. This moment, this activity, is a small speck in the universe. And I look at it from there, even as I take care of 'my' little activity.

As Regular as Eating

When one is on a journey, one will leave behind places one would not come back to. Our personality changes with meditation, you will notice new changes - big and small. It is important to take notice of what has changed. If you wake up a few minutes earlier than usual and feel fresh, get up, accept these precious gifts of meditation, dont resist the rewards of your hard work/realizations.

When one is on the journey, one will leave behind places one would not come back to.

One will find oneself in new places

or old-new places, changed places.


Same is with the internal journey, when you will peep in you won't find the same person, not anymore, as you progress on the path.

~more often this change/letting go happens, better it is. Try to learn to cope with new stuff, keep the mind young, curious, and not disappointed by change, even if it is annoying initially. A lot of my changes have been of letting go of expectations. Sometimes it is annoying to discover I no longer get pulled by the same stuff, that things dont appear that appealing and attractive anymore, I am many times taken by surprise at my different reactions to the 'same' things ... so I just have to take out time and reassemble priorities:)

If we have not felt changed, have not felt easier, have not not yet again fumbled to find a new balance within, then we haven not even begun meditation! Changes are like your earnings from meditation, if I had to strike a corollary.

Change is a sign of progress, one might be wise if one recognizes and lives the change, enables the change, towards better. Meditation leaves us lighter, we get rid of unreal preoccupations/burdens that one carried constantly earlier*. It is like trash kept in the room that one removes after a long while, initially you might miss it, but then its gone for good!

On the other side, you have to come back to same realities, you have to keep on with the supplies, keep the money flowing in if you are not a monk, and have a good comfortable dwelling, all this while introspecting/feeling 'nothingness' in places, in the body n in the mind.

For me, to discover a new facet of self is as regular as eating a meal. Every few hours ... worthwhile effort goes in the making:)



*As one becomes stronger in morality one becomes less fearful, and becomes more assured about the future. This is a natural change:)
Morality (five precepts) are like a safety net, if you wont cheat lie, deceit, misconduct, steal or take intoxicants - nothing to be scared of now...you have practiced Right Speech and have kept from harm, very well done!

Perception Without Thoughts

I know this might not be understood. But that’s fine.

There is perception without thoughts.

Thoughts are not yours. Nor is this body yours. There is only reality - six sense doors and respective inputs. In the monk free from the five hindrances.

When from the basis of the past, thoughts do not interfere perception, there is perception without thoughts.

Thus, O monks, do the ideal ones concentrate - in equanimity, in awareness and in wisdom.

Mind moments swell from moments to minutes, from khanika samadhi to upkar samadhi.

Panya

Sampajañña

This post is not for intellectual exercise. Kind of a personal note, in the vipassana practice of 'noticing' 'acknowledging'

Mental Contents Within Mental Contents

After a few insights, more or less based on non-self, mind suddenly took a leap into deeper understanding.

This is from the Mahasatipatthana Sutta when Buddha says something like :

"Mental contents in mental contents … "

(When I first read notes from mahasatipatthana sutta I came across phrases like Body in body, … mental contents in mental contents ... I felt helpless, I could not understand these phrases at all)

Now, in case of Anger for example, I see mental contents thus:
1.I saw that the apparent anger may be a projection of some insecurity inside
2. Insecurity/fear that is working this anger, creating a veil and keeping me away from the real cause/s of anger, keeps me a step away from reality
3. If I look closely at this anger->based on fear/insecurity, observing the sensations, I see clear connection of this anger with craving or aversion

Now having understood thus, I stop the cycle of ignorance (avijja) and come out of the anger!

As soon as I face/understand the real cause, anger gets uprooted, and mindfulness is established again in equanimity

Here, I see three layers of feelings - feeling within feelings. By the time I scrap the third layer and reach there, mindfulness is firmly established in equanimity

* Of course these words will make sense only with experience of
concentration practice
familiarity with sensations within sensations
practice in equanimous awareness
awareness of presence of a mental quality (that one can use as a basis of experience in the Now)

Thoughts lose a lot of their power over the 'mind'. One can choose what one wants to think, and does not think what one does not want to think.

With witnessing feelings within feelings, one faces the cause of suffering that so clearly lies within.
Sometimes suffering dissolves immediately transforming the physical cause too (say a pain that has appeared on the body), sometimes things change after sizzling a bit, sometimes it takes years.

If U have gathered courage to face it, with equanimity, suffering and its physical manifestation have to leave, sooner or later.

A second insight happened at meal time this morning, somewhat related. Makes the subject of my second post "Perception without Thoughts"

Also, I see how insights are building up, I remember how I understood much less around April 26, 2010 when I wrote the following post Mark It:

I wrote a post "Mark it" on April 26, 2010
Usually I stick around the nostrils to watch my breath. Traditionally some people watch the belly (in meditation) ha ha. So … I notice my attention shift to the belly, rising and falling with in and out breaths and the idea flashed through … notions of the body. The ref. is mahasatipatthanna sutta, I understood some, some identification trickled down, what could have been meant by ‘body in body’.

So I can say it was at this point, after years of practice, that I had begun to understand these terms - ‘body’, ‘sensations within sensations’ and now ‘mental contents’, kind of appropriately called it Mark It, kind of a new beginning (though I didnt realise then :)

I first read mahasatipatthana sutta at a meditation pagoda in 2003 (towards the end, in this video). I remember how helpless I had felt not understanding Buddha’s words. It has taken years to bring about this post, to answer questions (partly) that crossed my mind in 2003, with mahasatipatthana book in my hand, I never forgot those questions. Each day since then has been a stepping stone…and I know mahasatipatthanna sutta is several hundred phrases long, I have understood only two phrases, and that too only partially. Learning happens all at once, and in stages 
Still uncovering…

Letter to Meditator: Expectations as Hindrance

Look at how we grasp things.

It is a little less than inspiring to see power hungry people. It is not nice to see someone gorge hungrily on food, when they have already have had enough.

Something in us intuitively seeks balance.

I discovered it is not just the disliked object that we feel not so happy about, but also something larger, deeper, notional. We are afraid of the unnaturalness, the 'false' hunger. Our needs are actually a lot less than what we demand from life.

Wanting is endless. The chase after wants is tiring. Hard work is to be aware of these processes right in the beginning, before the wanting becomes a very strong habit pattern in the mind. Before we become a prey to a 'false' want. Sometimes this dunzie/false want lasts for a lifetime, say keeping up with a relationship we never wanted in the first place-yet how we cling! Or it could be keeping secure some denial we experienced as a kid. A lifetime of regret. Sometimes, a lifetime of chase for something we just 'thought' we wanted.
Is it okay to step back and see if we really want what we want? Take some time to question yourself, your beliefs, I mean just to get more real about our directions.
:) Takes practice.

Here is a short two minute video



One has to be really relaxed to chuck things out. Things inspired by a comparison, an advert, something we read ... desires that just creep in insidiously. We need to be aware at the time of mind taking that input, but it is difficult ... so take time out to review string mind moments when we were reactive. You will discover significant (yet funny things), like sometimes we begin to want, ironically, things that we hate - do you remember checking the facebook profile of someone you dont err like? Craziness!

So one has to get rid of digressions, that actually run much deeper than we think. As you progress, you will discover we need a lot less than what we have been chasing.

Personally, I have discovered, I have made superior progress in my materialistic goals when I removed expectations that halter me, this took literally several weeks of relaxation. I had to take expectations off layer by layer, sometimes painfully. And let go. I had to come to understand areas that caused constant stress and were actually running opposite to some larger goals. Had to cut a lot off my back. took a lot of revisiting. Yet the key was to be aware in the now, and see what direction is my mind taking, and steer it and question it if it is a 'false' direction am going in.

Its not that you would always do something you 'like'. But at least you will be able to be in a non-dual mind state. Like you might me writing a report you really want, and clearly that is the direction mind is taking. And then there is a digression of wanting something to eat. At this point before walking off the report: I would have considered this (when did I eat last, is this hunger 'real' or false distraction). If it is real hunger I wont call it distraction, and I will in all probability come back to my report, starting from where I left it.

Removing these expectations are like removing hindrances. It will also help you face unpleasant tasks more effectively. You will see the clarity, and the difference between need and desire. It is more effective and more in the face looking at Facts, and drawing inspiration from your goals.

Am writing this to you, after shedding some weight. After a terrificly irritating incident. I write to you after succeeding in revising my expectation and achieving a personal positive end. This small victory gave me courage to write this. Am thankful for this clear articulation on mental process, and hope it benefits you shed some unnecessary weight. It helps in meditation:)

Lv

Give me Comfort

I have so many times heard monks say things like " I have anger, but I dont entertain it"

Buddha mentions something about not accepting gifts (of anger or hateful words)
Ref: Akkosa Sutta — Abuse

So the first thing, right now, that gives me comfort is to not give energy to thoughts, to let them pass.


(and second is dhamma companionship, may it be:)
Ref:Upaddha Sutta — Good Friendship

What about it?

What you come to know in meditation is usually no different from the facts you already know about. Sometimes, you already 'know' about what you are going to realise. What is different is the intensity, the quality of knowing.

Quality of knowing (difference between the knowing of an inventor, and of the person who copies the formula and applies it in the laboratory to testify results) is one aspect of knowing that is usually not generally recognised, at least not in the same way it is recognised/required in meditation, u know. In schools though each talented teacher would appreciate and inculcate a better quality of knowing, a better/living appreciation of the same facts in the pupil ... but the field is too vast to begin with in context of meditation. In meditation one needs a dynamic mind, a persistent and objective mind. A mind predisposed to be free from biases, at least an inclination for it. An open mind-a quality that is helped from a loving empathetic attitude, from being positive and not selfish. All these things help.

Meditation makes all the difference between intellectual word play, and actual experiential understanding. One does not get actual experiential understanding of the mystic concepts as the immediate step from the intellectual induction. One progresses slowly on this path, from intellect to experiential understanding, until one begins to advance.

So even if you 'know', see if you can 'apply'

You will find yourself revisiting facts, you will look at same things differently, as if not just with greater depth, but greater vastness, with vision and clarity of detachment. Things bereft of essence, wisdom of non-self

Holocaust

Something made me think of Danger(as a challenge, not as a thing to turn the mind blue), and Shell(protective) at the same time.

Death of a monk is possible. It is as possible as an average lay man's, in circumstance that may lead to death. Danger for a monk is possible too, sometimes monks are externally even more exposed to danger. Then what is the difference between a monk and a lay man?

Monk may have a shell. Lay man will have nothing, but the set of circumstance.

Monk can pause.

Monk is prepared, in fact s/he has been preparing all the time.

Where is the Love?

She got cellulitis, severe. Spread rapidly by the second day ended.
I took her to the doc. Hm, he identified that it was not a simple infected wound but Cellultis. Gave intravenous antibiotics and dressed the wound, indifferently. I came back and checked the symptoms and looked up the medicines on the web and felt satisfied with the doctor’s diagnosis.

Now the wound kept getting worse. I asked my grandmom, “Dear, do you like the doctor?” She shook her head. So on the third day we went to another doc. He did a minor surgery, just in time.

The wound and the swelling receded. And then today it started swelling again. I had by now read so much about cellulitis … I called the doc who wasn’t available. Within a few hours I knew it will get much worse. I opened the bandage and cleaned the wound … I found the skin around the wound had turned all black and I gently massaged the skin, and then the whole foot. I kept speaking kind words and suddenly I notice that after an hour of massage the skin is healthy and grandmother who was crying with pain was now smiling.

The skin that had a dead bluish hue, now seemed perfectly good brown. I think we feel more alive when someone we love lends us a touch. I kept up touching her lovingly. Soon the swelling was gone, for the first time in ten days.

To heal we ought to feel loved.

Special Dream

I dream of this since I was a child. Since I was 7 or so.

We used to live in a big open house. In my first dream I took off from the big patio, learning to float/fly/travel in air naturally, like learning to walk. What induced this flight was a state of concentration, and an explicit desire to fly (like you 'will' to raise your hand and are able to do it). The problem was I couldnt enjoy the view outside as I had to keep observing the sensations inside to maintain the concentration. Better the concentration, better was my control over steering and even maintaining the flight. I learnt to do this.
I had to learn to identify what held the concentration, what kept my mind aware, agile and light, to keep me attuned to flight and give better control over the flight. As an amateur, initially it seemed to happen on its own, and flight was awkward. Then the mechanism ... I discover there is a mechanism. After some years I begin to feel more confident and take off like a confident hang glider getting good currents, but sometimes I would be too off-tuned to concentrate, the mind had to be clear and concentrated for a good flight and it seemed to have some pre-conditions to concentrate (not aware precisely what though).

I had to learn able to identify and hold on to the right state of concentration: it was not a deep or sleeping sort of concentration, rather something agile and active, clear and pure at the same time - yet concentrated! It was usually difficult to keep the mind pure and not too excited, or too dull!

I later saw the recurrent dream was always from the current place of residence, wherever my house was at that point of time. The ability to concentrate and relating that to flight was the common theme. The interesting thing was these seemed like very true experiences, now when I remember them, and for the first time identify it as recurrent dream-state, for the first time I remember a recurrent dream over twenty years in a full state of wakefulness!

Thanks

For the warm embrace and sweet protection
and for all the things I knew to ask for, and more

For loving me and inspiring me
for giving me freedom - to make my own mistakes, and learn

For showing me the adventure
for giving me valor, passion, and perseverance

For the nights and sunny days
for beautiful nature, so uniform in its laws...

I so much love and admire dhamma
there are oceans, yet to cross, but right now, there is gratitude!!

Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations

Context: Meditators have access to feeling more than what the normal comprehension allows. They use perhaps a greater capacity of the brain. This article is perhaps relevant to someone who has spent more than a thousand hours in meditation, or someone who is exceptionally good at concentration and has travelled great distances in some lucid moments.

*Here is a conservative estimate of the time I have been able to meditate over the last eight years: 7,071 hours of meditation till end of this month. See details in the footnote below.

Compared to the real time estimates one has, to experience tangible results into the nature of reality in the laboratory of the world, my close to seven thousand hours of meditation is a tiny speck. Human life is comparatively very small, even if one is not given to the race of consumption that is so prevalent in today’s times.

Also, meditation as understood by me, is not a course in magic. Nor in healing - mental or physical. It is about gaining insight. Insight in to the ‘ordinary’ nature of reality.

So, the infant I am in the world of meditation, whatever I say would still be incomplete. I record the incomplete perception for the benefit of those who are on the path like me. It is like I have set off on foot-journey to New york from New Delhi and describing what the path seems to me like in my small segment of the world.

As you might have understood by now, one sitting in an attempt to understand the true nature of reality wont get you there! One hour, one week, one month or probably even one year wont be enough. Though when it will happen eventually, that would of course be one sitting, Buddha sat for seven days seven nights as his last 'sitting' and had spent not just years but countless aeons as a meditator in innumearble lifetimes, before he could 'teach'

You will uncover the vastness and the expanse of this knowledge as you develop the patience to start deciphering, its good to know these estimates anyway. It is more difficult than getting admission in to the top university and gaining a doctorate, much more intensive; require more sustained effort and discipline. And difficulty is the same whatever age you are. Results come at each step, as you progress
.
Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations

Knowing and Feeling:
To understand this concept I will have to give a non-direct example, to assist you. You may start reading the example, or just directly read the ‘concept’.

Example:One-Step Removed
Imagine yourself witnessing a forest fire from within a fire-proof temp. controlled ball. From your past experiences (say conditioning) you know fire is ‘hot’ and it ‘burns’ etc. Lets imagine for a moment you have no past experiences and no conditioning. So here just the visual cortex experience is knowing of the ‘eye’, images
Now suppose that the ball that was all transparent is now black with smoke. You have no access to light and it is all dark. Imagine a small window in this great big ball, open it. You smell the burning leaves, wood, etc. Sense of smell. You may/may not relate this smell to earlier visual experience-knowing. Or even establish a connection between the two if you are smart. A relation may be established by the mind here - between the visual and olfactory.
Now label all this experience as Knowing.

Knowing is one step removed from feeling.
Feeling is actually standing in the fire without the ball, in the burning ever-changing forest. Actually getting the burns and Feeling

So Knowing is one step removed from Feeling


Another, more sober but less accurate example could be witnessing the ocean from a big ball inside the ocean. You know but are witnessing from inside the ball. Now to ‘feel’ actually plunge into the ocean with your mask as a deep sea diver.

Explore the layers of perception, the boundaries of ‘feeling’ and knowing…think of subtelities and more layers between feeling and knowing in these examples

Core Concept: Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations
Dhamma nature of any experience is neither pleasant nor unpleasant, there is only knowing without a sense of self.
One starts with becoming mindful, of each moment, each moment the body (as it is connected to the mind seamlessly) sends hundreds and thousands of tiny transmissions as 'sensations' to the mind. With concentration mind becomes sharp enough and develops this capacity to be mindful of sensations throughout the body* (see note 2 below)
One 'feels' each of these thousands of sensation-separately. Body seems to lose solidity at this stage.
Body seems only a constituent of sensations, sensations arising and passing with great rapitidity. Then one starts penetrating even this ... witnessing these sensations one reaches bare knowing over long sittings arousing mindfulness and concentration, and awareness towards these bodily sensations that are attuned to the 'states of mind'. In deeper states of concentration and equanimity after due practice there is shift in the experience from 'feeling' to knowing.
Over constant periods of thorough mindfulness the deep-rooted perceptions in the mind start undergoing change, old conditioning die. And each experience becomes ‘bare’ experience. In bare experience one can understand the true nature of reality, that is now not bound by a sense of self, when there is only knowing. Such knowing has a thorough cleansing effect on the mind, mind becomes like a clear mirror, knowing neither pain nor pleasure, nor sickness nor disease, nor hunger nor thirst, for these are functions of the body. Mind is one step removed. It is right there, but does the job of knowing, not feeling.
#Bodily activities of eating working and sleeping remain as normal.

Feeling is a sense of self, the I. Without this I, there is only ‘knowing’.











*Note 1: 88 days of meditation over several retreats in residential monastry retreats. Ten hours daily (880 hours)
40 days volunteer in meditation retreats seva (240 hours)

Daily Practice
2002 Oct.14-dec 3 2 hours: 228
2003Year one: 3 hours each day (365*3=1095)
2004Year 2: 2.5 hour each day (366*2.5= 915
2005Year 3: 20 minutes average, wasn’t regular so m taking 20 mintues, I usually dont sit for less than an hour ( 109.8
2006Years 4: 20 minutes (109.8
2007Year 5: 2 hours ( 730
2008Year 6: 1.5 hours (366*1.5=549
2009Year 7: 3 hours (1095
2010Year 8: 4 hours (11 months) 1336

#Am not counting moments of mindfulness that last throughout the day on 'good' days and throughout the night on 'mindful sleep nights' that is more often the norm now-actually a sign of progress

Note 2: To develop this capacity to concentrate, it is advisable you go for a residential retreat where you can work with the right instructions under an able teacher. I suggest a Vipassana course from any of the centers here: http://www.dhamma.org/ Like many others I developed this capacity on the fourth day of the residential retreat. Had never meditated before. Since then, I have been practicing, further and further.

Silly Quiz

Have you taken one of those dancing girl (right-left brain) tests? I could never turn her both ways. Recently I see I could easily do new things, I didnt hv to try.

I was heavily right-brained (and pretty proud of it), but look at this now, looks like I use more of my mind eh? I have a smirk on my face right now.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Learning to Sit, Dissolve and Balance

Learning to sit and experience 'sitting' (and that only)

Learning to breathe and being aware

...taking the breath, feeling it in each part of the body

learning dissolution (that happens on its own), so 'experiencing dissolution' would be more apt

Permeating the body with this feeling of lightness, breaking down

Opening up the pores, clearing the tension, more flexible (at least until u build more tension, and tirelessly work on it again ... so much so that deep-rooted habit patterns in the mind start changing, you start changing towards fear, plight, all those things)

making deliberation to be more relaxed, clear aware, more concentrated

fresh waves of dissolution, even finer

Learning to open the eyes

Coming back to real dimension where hands move and follow physical rules (of course 'as intended' by the 'mind :), where there is solidity and one gets burns if one touches hot oil

Learning to balance

You sit straight, learn to sit, stand, walk again, with balance, more upright, healthier!


But all this is not wonderful. The most significant learning is to experience with Right View (experiencing non-self). real change happens when you do that, experience fully, you will know these moments for these are like none other:)

Hint: detachment is a very powerful and natural outcome in such moments


Right View is under: 4. Phase of Cultivation

Fabula

Soul Food

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This is the plate I have been eating from since around three years. Now the plate reminds me to be reflective:)

When eating monks do not let themselves be consumed by thoughts of food, they eat while reflecting on the sides of the bowl while eating.
Instead of the taste, they are aware of the sensations of the food on the lips, mouth, tongue (and in some cases the whole body, yes, food affects each cell immediately in the body).

Touching food, lifting, chewing ... I usually feel it in the whole body ... the type of food (spicy, soothing, cool, nourishing, akin, acidic) is reflected by the sensations on not only the tongue but the whole body. Greasy food sometimes make me dull and light food makes it easy to practice continuously.

After reflecting thus while eating, I usually reflect on the empty plate. I do not rush after eating. Take out at least a second or two to acknowledge I am full, and from the satisfaction derived from the food, the healthy nutrition ... may all being partake in my satisfaction, may all be happy!

Even a sip of juice rings in each cell, if taken on empty stomach. I usually witness the 'greed' I feel when I am eating ... also I become aggressive, I dont want to be disturbed when eating, and I am impatient and usually easily angered if someone makes me talk or gossips while eating. Aggression while eating is sort of primitive I guess:P

I like the kind of food I had for lunch today.
Ingredients:
Boiled Rice (salted).
I stirred some fresh carrots, beans, tomatoes, coriander leaves, bits of ginger, mustard seeds (in cooking oil, steamed it and added boiled rice. Ready to eat veggie rice;)
Curd on the side (with boondi, cucumber pieces, rock salt for seasoning).
No chillies or sauce.

hmm talking of food. I followed the eight precepts for a year. It is difficult for family to see me go without food after noon, now I sometimes have snack/fruit around evening. Not having dinner has made life simpler. Makes time for meditation.

Breaking the Music

This is not breaking in ... this is breaking up

Say, a relationship, when it breaks up u are left with fragments. You revisit events: this was happy, this was furious, this was mad, this was good...u break it up even in your head in more ways than one.

What makes you look back and wonder anew, to know things you didnt know when you were in it, from fragments?


Ask a meditator, and almost all of them will answer this perfectly:)


when fragments become new wholes. Like breaking up a car to door, car seat, gear, engine parts...

Once you break up the 'situation' there is no whole, each fragment becomes tangible and u 'identify'- happy, furious, mad, u break it down. When meditating you do the same thing in the situation, when living the relationship with yourself, each moment. YOu look at it with detachment, in each moment, mindfully. You come out of the illusionary lull of 'continuity'. And the illusion of 'self' breaks up, only fragments remain. It is a strong meditation/physics concept-there is no whole, only fragments/constituents.

Listening to Enya yesterday when I thought I couldnt like her more ... the situation started to break up, in to fragments, music the spell was lost and I begin to hear only sounds, as if with space in between sounds ( there seemed to be clear space between sounds and if in the same time, time slowed down or u begin to see fragments and notice the small nano pauses/breaks under a microscope). Remember how accurately u remember details of strong experiences, like a car accident, recollecting things u didnt know u noticed. Suddenly your mind is concentrated in the moment (its sad though most people need very strong experiences like that to be in the present) I could still recognise its music, Enya's, but the music was lost in sounds now, I no longer looked at it as whole nor was absorbed by it. The spell was gone and with that the like for the music, and the desire to keep listening. There were just sounds and spaces between them. As if the experience was complete (in the present) and no need to go over the track again.

This wasnt the first time the break up happened. I earlier felt this only in strong experiences, when facing a great physical threat, or when I was on my edge not able to tolerate the confusion of the situation. Everyone feels it at some point, meditators can really understand the situation. These people, when logical and good, can keep their cool in any situation, like heroes. (But the significance of being cool for meditators is for a greater purpose, to understand 'reality'.) They pack every moment we call 'normal with this significance, nothing remains dull or 'not dull'

You dont come back as the same person, relatively, after the break up.
Imagine the stregth of people, ability to experience, of some people who are in the present, each moment. They overcome pain, delusion, hatred, passion, anger ... from knowing how to experience things. Meditation is skillfully experiencing things. Learning to do that.

Lv u Buddha, for being so wise!

Black Spots

My black spots:

I am lazy
I am impulsive
I hv a greater share of delusion, applying my head for constructive reasoning becomes very difficult for me, esp. for things I lack and need to improve upon
I fear, very subtle fear, I fear a lot
I am attached to self, lazy to let go


For now. Slept for long, woke up n slept again. Pure awesome lazy.

Next Best Enemy: Sleep

I remember wasting not just hours, but days together in sleep. Hopeless and dejected, I would just sleep.

Not more than four hours now.

Am I Lucky?

Someone said this to me:

...That's cause you need to learn to listen to inside sounds - find the beautiful harmonics inside and focus on just one - they are all portals - just like the breath gives you a space from the outside, so too can u listen inside and before u know it - you might disappearCould no go further - yet


Lv n breath

Words

Words can accomplish only a fragment of experience. Generally the precision that one can 'experience' is lost in rendering an experience to language. You cant even write a mathematical formula if you don’t pick variables. One cant say 'everything', by definition.
Having said that, I see the limitation of each post I write, half-experiences:)
Now, this post that I write is a follow-up to the post Quality of Mind.
As you learn to concentrate (Samadhi), you see you are coming out of emotion mind-states. Even happiness is ‘emotion’.

Another things that came up:
One hasn’t really understood a concept unless it becomes Easy.
If you find something difficult, just understand it, difficult emotions need comprehension.

Difficult concepts in meditation become easy too. It is a matter of repeating your understanding, revising your understanding, testing your understanding more and more, until the truth shines. Effort, time, practice, repeated effort, until difficult/unfamiliar becomes easy!

Simple, isn’t it.

Letter to someone contemplating a Vipassana course/Being a Monk

Being a Monk

Being withdrawn from greed, hatred, and ill-will.

Buddha said it is easy to go in extremes.

People go on fast for days, weeks, months, some people give up homes and unfortunate things like that happen. It is easy to do this. It is easy to do this compared to the middle path. What is the middle path? To keep your mind balanced, to be in concentration and to be at ease. Your effort has to come from a base of strength and a base of 'knowing', mere sacrifice is not enough.

I remember many people exclaming, after coming out from Vipassana retreats, when they see someone in robes. Having had the taste of the real thing, they understand that becoming a monk may not lead you there, outer appearance, residence/kuti and even chanting may not help after a point. One needs real wisdom, wisdom that comes from a strong base of morality, concentration and wisdom. I was in outer Rishikesh, alone at that point, and I saw a young Hindu monk, bathing some distance from me in the Ganga. As he approached, I could see my mind was more free from lust and fear than his, who was the monk there?

Let me share a personal experience. I considered myself to be free from ideas of association with the other gender. Precisely as I was thinking thus, I saw birds mating, and I see my mind reacting. And the thoughts flashed through my mind...even if I go to the forest, oh dearie I cant escape Mara. (Mara is the lure)

It is very beneficial to have a wish to become a monk. But check yourself on these checkpoints:

What are you running from? You can not run from the world or from material things, as long as you breathe. Cant disrespect the need for these either. But you can turn from greed, ill-will and aversion, completely.

What if you find a true teacher? Be with the teacher, and learn with him. If you then give up the home and take to the forest for seclusion, and for study, and practice of meditation. Go ahead.

There is also suitability to become a monk. Are you in the right frame of mind. Do you feel positive and not dejected (from the world). Is the motive learning and humility and not some magical propaganda. And are you capable, healthy mind, able body, if you are young it helps. (say if u r below 25 you can expect results in this very life easily), also if you have the acumen, to grasp ideas easily,leading to Right View ...



For me, it has been difficult to practice in the world, I have gone on retreats. If I found an ideal monastry I will immediately be there. In fact, I tried. Being a woman is not easy. But I see I can practice being in this world, and come in touch with many many people, and spread dhamma. Its true I would have grown better in a more conducive environment. But many lay people have been able to make progress.

I have learnt something. Its about how dedicated you are, whether a monk in robes or no! Knowing the right concentration and being skillful in 37 factors of enlightenment

http://www.nic.fi/~laan/factors.htm

Metta


Being in the World and not of it!

Letter II
... I dont quite remember the age stuff. But also, its a convention. It is understood that for some people it took just minutes after they met the teacher to reach awakening. I heard of one monk who was around 90 years of age who took a few minutes during the time buddha* was teaching this technique himself. Age is mere convention. It is said to refer perhaps that you need an energised mind and body ... and after a point in meditation this energy becomes a factor. Factor in the sense that monks (anyone who practices, with morality, concentration and wisdom), can arouse energy even if the body is sick and so forth. Also people who have had some kind of experience and have been practicing a clean life take much less time to understand and practice, since they know what is material and that there is suffering in material pleasure, and there is release too. You will see what you call material as mere energy, but lets not go there right now.

Also, monks are able to witness mental phenomenon clearly. It is this awareness that helps one to come out of illusion (maya), and even as one resides in this world, one becomes not of it. This process starts with something very basic, like being aware of your posture, for physical phenomenon. Then as some teachers kindly suggest, being aware of the 'breath' which is kind of both mind and body-based phenomenon (you will discover in the course, nothing is to be believed, but lived). Then you start becoming aware of mind states, oh I feel ill-will, or jealousy, or fear, or displeasure, and then effectively, now my mind if free from ill-will, free from jealousy ...and so forth. Skillfully one observes any mind state that comes up with detachment, neither tagging it as good or bad. If anger comes up, you dont react to it, just observe it. Sometimes boredom comes and people start feeling sad, why they came to the course, why they are wasting time, it is important to understand even that as a mind-state, and to observe even that with detachment, neither good, nor bad. Mind keeps throwing u- GIGO. When one can observe skillfully without getting trapped by emotions, one can enter access concentration. Thats for now.

I wish to share another small thing. Sometimes you need refuge from the world to actually observe what is going on. When in college, I had recently come back from Vipassana and had no one to guide me in it. I sometimes wanted to practice longer. I remember sitting for six hours one day and getting up feeling light. I read years and years later that some monks in Burma can sit for three hours, even four six hours (some sit for 24). But I could see people exclaiming at even three hour sitting. So, yes, you sometimes need refuge and do these things. I practice regularly, and go out only when I have to. I dont watch tv at all, I think I cant find time for it. So being a monk is more of a personal decision. The world doesnt have to partake, no teacher has to rule, and no monastry has to be there, heart monastry.

Here is something that makes for a good read:

http://minddeep.blogspot.com/2010/10/monastery-within.html


Much lv
PoojaY
*Buddha: refers to a person who is fully enlightened. Avatar is a person who shines in some aspect of dhamma, say Harishchnadra for truth, or Nanak ...history is rife. Buddha is someone who has accomplished all aspects of truth to reach enlightenment, these people can actually teach the path, to reach practicing what Nanak and Kabir witnessed and described, Jesus was a true saint...religion can never frame these guys, nor can words describe their experiences, but yes, there is a path:

Noble Truths:
Thus is the Noble Truth of Suffering
Thus is the Noble Truth of the Accumulation of Suffering
Thus is the Noble Truth of the Elimination of Suffering
Thus is the Noble Truth of the Path that Leads Away from Suffering

Nanak
“As fragrance abides in the flower
As reflection is within the mirror,
So does your Lord abide within you,
Why search for him without?”

Many earlier Buddhas practiced near Bodh Gaya. This is a very old technique you are going to learn. We will talk about 'time' sometime.

Meditations on Quality of Mind

Look this is purely experiential - the quality of your pleasure. Try to look at this in other ways too, like the quality of your devotion to a relationship. Is it the same as how much the other person is putting in at the same time? You would sometimes notice how your selfless intentions are grossly misinterpreted. Instead of feeling abused in such times, learn to identify the quality of the mind, whatever the present experience facilitates to you.


Try to reap a higher quality of mind. For this you will need to learn to love. If this seems difficult then cultivate forgiveness. Most of the time we forget to forgive ourselves. And keep sticking to the same opinion of ourselves, which may be a moment old! Things change in a moment. Look for this kind of refreshing opportunity new moments unfold. Try not to be old, it’s a conception. This way you will not live in your past opinion of yourself, forget about others, what they think. You are new, each moment.


With this newness you can achieve anything, even something beyond ‘pleasure’ ... don’t we get tired of pleasure sometimes? There must be a reason for partying to end around dawn, or may be for a change, we change the group we party with! Look at this constant need for change. Can you really identify if it is pleasure or change that we are seeking? Try to think why sometimes people give up on perfectly good partners, even give up jobs, what is it if not for ‘change’. Without regrets, try to think of the quality of such minds. You will see constant 'craving' in the underbelly, craving takes away much more that it brings or even makes you aspire for. Do you relate to a fluctuating mind with poor quality? Can you observe this fluctuation (confusion)

Does change make any difference … I mean its endless, if you don’t understand it. But if you can observe it, you have a way out. At a small level you need to be able to observe the changing (arising passing) at the (atomic) level of body, or observe the dynamics of breath. You will be suffused with life, we forget we are alive! This ability to observe will help you observe change in the world outside, and you will see changing situations, however unpleasant, like you see the changing colors of the sky. You will be able to do this without feeling the displeasure/pleasure that we normally bring in when relating to an experience, which actually is the reality of change, be comfortable, be at ease with changing phenomenon, just that.


Its just change ... each day, every moment! You will reach a stage of equanimity where no matter how stark or unpleasing the situation is, how unexpected, you are ready to receive/deal with it, without getting toppled over*. You will decide beautifully, you will indeed welcome change without trading away your peace! But you need to stop to meditate for this ability to help you, like you water a plant, you need to meditate regularly. Meditative ‘stillness’ gives you that window, to actually observe change, that also is an observation in non-self. Be moral, like I always recommend. And if you have regrets, just look at the new you!

Meditate for ten minutes. See if you can remove thoughts and concerns and just breathe freely, with attention. Try a little hard breathing if you lose attention and if you are feeling tense. Try to have ten minutes of good attention to the breath, and sensations if u feel on the body. If the mind wanders, try again from the first …ten minutes of unbroken unwavering breath meditation.

Lv

Meditating on Death

Meditating on Death.

It brings the refreshing courage to be able to do (right)things. Just the reflection that I will die helps losen the pride attached to youth, it gives stregth to be humble, to truly cherish the moment

Mirror Therapy

I dont usually consult the mirror. Even as a kid, I was surprised once when I looked deeply in the mirror, surprised to see some physical changes over a year. This resulted in arising of anatta or 'non-self'* Things dont change that radically now ... but I was once more taken by surprise today.

I saw my expressions in the mirror. Preparing for an interview ... all I saw was hypocrisy, and pain. Why didnt I see this before? I had changed inside, in states of concentration, but I was trying to maintain the same 'self' outside, in my daily interactions. The result was a hypocrite, someone who was trying to hide her truth.

Things are going to change outside, is all I know!

:))

*Though around then I didnt know the technical term 'non-self'/'anatta'.

Helpful

The load thats shedding off me today, and started shedding with the 'Keeping the purity' post, was something that was with me for quite some time. ... since I was born it was like a cloud, like not literally, just a hazy sadness. Now that I am doing maths I remember so many instances, at least since high school, when I just couldnt take on numbers, there was no joy in it. Particularly a problem with concentration. Sadness overtook. This sadness literally stopped me from doing things, made me lazy, I was sad all the time, even when I smiled!


With morality, integrity, the spasm eases. Even if it has been there for so long that u cant remember, even then, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..

With breathing it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..

With equanimity towards vibrations/feelings on the body/mind it eases the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...

With concentration and mindfulness it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...


The catalyst to concentration has been the ability to replace thoughts of anxiety, and sadness with thoughts of metta. Very real, it could result in a very big difference in my material goals, spiritual it already has...and its only begun!

To love, forget the hate

Wherever I looked, things seemed far
No one seemed near, war without war

Get up, wake up wake up before its too late
... take it on, from the beginning begin again

..wake up before its late, to try the love again, forget the hate!


Numerous numerous times. From worse things I learn. And move on, dusting away the hatred it covers me with. Not be affected, not be deluded ... if you fall, get up get up, and dont look back

*** This is not after some event 'outside', I have been checking my disposition. Replacing thoughts of conceit, with love. Love as a disposition, I will not harm, I will not hurt, I will not be ignorant, even in high stakes, tough times. One starts loving oneself, giving space to learn, love evokes space to learn. Replaces all other preoccupations and giving way to concentration, samyak concentration. It takes a lot of time and numerous numerous efforts, it seems ... until of course, when it returns fruits. Until then, tough situations outside come as a blessing to test ur equanimity and balance, stronger the capacity to love, better stocked u r for tough times. With this, learning and rejuvinating, u progress inside and outside.

It is easy to forget I'll die, I'll fall sick..effort has to be 'right effort' not some madness, time is precious :)

On Emotion

We want to be prepared, so we tell ourselves-- if this happens, even if this happens .. and such, to be mentally prepared.

Builds up emotion.

To see things as they are, requires practice. To see things as they are ... as it occurred, to see things as they are ... even after it has happenned!

यथार्थ चिन्तन

Joy of Solitude

Does existence seem binding when you associate. There seems to be a craziness in being alone. At least I will feel more free diving from a (low)cliff. ... right into the Ganges:)

My heart sings and I tend to observe more things around me. I try to stay younger and feel less attached to things around. I dont have to own up/cover for someone else's stupidity. I care about larger, more relevant things...and do not care for luxuries. Perfumes, good mattress, good car ... u need all that when u well... but being single is magical, u dont 'need' all that stuff, not that much! There is no subtle pretence, no real pretence, you can stink and not feel all too bad. And most of all you can wrap your legs, in meditation, anytime you get time!

I could go on and on.

But the real stuff is that being single is a world of difference. It is very very different from being in a relationship/wanting to be in a relationship. Watch the sway of such people when they walk, they tread different lands. They own themselves like no one else. Bloody lions!

Letter to the Meditator

Keeping the Purity

Concentration is like distilled water. You take out the impurities of fear, lust, greed and ill-will. Also laziness, if any.

How does one take these out? To get rid of these impurities that cause stress, impurities that makes us feel heavy and does not let us be open, to take out these impurities you look at the sensations bubbling in the body with deep equanimity/objectivity.

With great bravery you have to tell these sensation that you are not me, this 'pain' is not 'me'. It is changing, impermanent, and that which is impermanent will make me keep going back and forth without me reaching anywhere, its an illusion! So keep objectivity in overwhelming situations, or if some remembrance strikes you, take it on and let it spill in a thousand sensations and let it make space for the next bubble. Take it from there till the mind is calm, peaceful, back on the breath, try. Bring it back to the breath again and again, without distractions as far as you can.

Be mindful of annicca (impermanent), dukkha (stress), and anatta (non-self) when witnessing sensations/emotions, esp. if they appear pleasant. What is impermanent cant be pleasant, for it will change, look at the arising and passing with objectivity, this is equanimity.

How to know/grow in equanimity, what is the tool? Well, this is where the breath and the practice of concentration on the breath helps. Can you watch the breath touching your upper lip for more than five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes .... ? Are there moments when ur concentration sways and then immediately comes back. Or in deeper samadhi it stays only with the breath and you are constantly aware of the area below the nostrils above the upper lip, without interference of other emotions, other than greater objectivity/equanimity/awareness (of the breath). These are moments of purity. . Its not easy, I know, by experience.

Lately, I have begun to stay with the breath for longer periods. I recommend this article, some sections are just brilliant:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/deperception.html

Quote:

"... Ultimately, when you reach a perception of the breath that allows the sensations of in-and-out breathing to grow still, you can start questioning more subtle perceptions of the body. It's like tuning into a radio station. If your receiver isn't precisely tuned to the frequency of the signal, the static interferes with the subtleties of whatever is being transmitted. But when you're precisely tuned, every nuance comes through. The same with your sensation of the body: when the movements of the breath grow still, the more subtle nuances of how perception interacts with physical sensation come to the fore." ...

You will see this kind of concentration helps you even in terrible situations in real life, when u are not meditating. It is as if you face the situation with a greater depth and variety of knowledge, and that the terribleness of the experience is not the whole and sole of your existence. Same with ecstasy, you are not delude by it, not killed by it, there is placidness, knowledge that any pleasant state will 'change'.

Morality is the foundation to achieving the filter, for purity. If you have done something otherwise, this will occur and reoccur in varied ways when u sit for meditation, if you are able to sit at all. If you havent done somethin wrong, and still feel miserable, check to see if you generated too much attachment to the idea of 'me' and 'mine', is there ill-will, remorse, ...in short ''craving' or 'aversion'. If yes, well here is your chance to clear it and keep the purity, for the emotions has surfaced as sensations and you let it off by watching the sensations with objectiviy. So, try sitting for meditation in tough times, and that will help you be truthful, to accept situations and not waste time there. And being truthful and other things helps you when you sit for meditation. Thoughts of weakness will come, may even overpower, but read something from accesstoinsight ha ha and get back on your feet. Do it.


Largely, these are things that generate misery-do not steal, no sexual misconduct, intoxication, lies, do not kill. What does it mean to tell a lie? I have seen when someone asks me something I tend to tell 'em small white lies, or big lies ... though meditation is making me refreshingly honest. At times things got tough, seemingly worse but me wont budge from truthful stance. When it looks like a losing game if I say the truth, I use a trick, I remember the regret because of my half-hearted truths in the past, things I didnt want to accept or see, and then usually I get the strength to go on and be with truth. It could mean giving up a job ... or just something done only for others, but yeah ... I guess you get the drift.

But each truthful stance helped me be more clear. Not even in everyday life, but also in meditation.

Similarly sexual misconduct, helps to think that you dont have sexual insecurity within you, at all times, that you mean well when speaking to the opposite gender. Killing ... I now tend to look at spiders and mosquitoes with compassion, I move them when they creep up do not to kill. A change in attitude is wanting, your whole being gets involved, meditation is not happening in isolation. I once woke up from my sleep feeling compassion for the mosquito whose bite woke me up from sleep. There are times you kill/mosquitoes ants inadvertently...but the point is change in attitude, situations-big or small will keep manifesting, as long we live!

I took my sister to visit Qutub Minar, some other tourists were there too. I saw a man hitting his 11-12 years old son, even as the child cried, swollen eyes.
I went and quietly told the stranger to hold his anger, he shouted at me, with a whole bunch of his family watching silently, like they had watched the child get beaten-dead in dumbness, I told him I can file a complaint in the police for bullying the child, if he likes, and moved. I got the strength and the audacity from the meditation, I had objectivity, and when you say things with that objectivity, other will see the point. I felt I will break my precept if I didnt 'act' there. ... I dont want you to go out taming the world, most of the time the engagement is about taming oneself, of being aware of the sensations, and be objective, and not roll in misery, not let thoughts of ill-will, lust, greed, or even fear, to overpower us,--chimeras!

When you become pro, you will see your morality is not only shielding you, but also helping others. Meditation will also keep you calm. There is no other judgement.

Further:
As you grow in morality you will see the suffering around you. This takes time. You become objective, you see the inherent stress even in seeming state of happiness and pleasure. This further helps develop objectivity. Your mind seems to develop a space of purity, clarity that far exceeds any state of 'joy'. This is keeping the purity. Develop this state by practicing with the breath, practicing truth n morality. Do not forget annicca (impermanent), dukkha (stress), and anatta (non-self) when watching the sensations that appear on the body, with the associated mind-states.

With time, you start seeing this creates a space, a state of mind you can choose to be in. Create this space of concentration. Take to the breath, clear the mind of preoccupations, and keep it with the breath, for longer. Look at the sensations, gross or subtle, with the same objectivity you see the breath with.

Dont keep regrets. Guilt is also not allowed in meditation, no matter who you are or what u'have done/not done (or what others did!), you are qualified to start meditation, do not let roll further in misery. Keep objectivity. Do not keep sorrow. This is keeping the purity:)

Metta,
Pooja

Death

This seems a specific enquiry, realistic ... would seem strange to anyone who doesnt meditate. My advice is do Not read this post if you dont meditate.

"Death is in my fingertips (nails)
Death is in my nailbed (dead skin)
Death is at the end of the scalp (hair)
Death is in the toe nails
Death is in the corner of the eyes (eye mucus)
Death degenration in the nostrils, ears
Death in my spit
Death in urine, blood, excrea
Stink of death in every pore of the body! (sweat)


Samatha"

Samatha (Equanimity)

What is more complete— experience or thinking?



When experience is expansive, complete, closer to truth, it loses temporary demarcations that we set. We progress till there (complete experience of reality) with right view, right effort … vipassana. Even laws of physics become clear, this is no exaggeration!


What are the demarcations we set?
Well, to tag something we expect for us to happen as ‘good’. Or to think of things as death, hurt and loss as something unexpected and sad experience. To set any demarcation of good and bad or expected and unexpected is to get 'unreal'. If such thought continues then it takes us away from reality, from vipassana. Strong expectations result in strong disappointments and ahh the misery of accumulated disappointment in old age! Come out of misery, come out of misery … pooja!
To effectively know, unpleasant as unpleasant without being perturbed … and pleasant as pleasant, without being affected is Vipassana [vipassana is not an event of thought, vipassana is Shila (morality), Samadhi (concentration), and Panya (Wisdom)]

But to be such is not easy. Not because we do not understand (in fact it is an appealing thing at the level of thought) but habitual experience is different. We do react in unwholesome ways, like an addiction. To trace it, see what personality you have what strengths and weakness we carry, moment after moment, days after days, years after years. I know I have had the same difficulties for several years, I know what is the solution and yet couldn’t work towards it, I have been too sad to start working to achieve these things. My sadness has been deeper than any inspirational song or wisdom-talk could dive.
Having tried to be equanimous I know I am up against swell of a tide … Samadhi helps one regain composure, mindfulness:

Khanik Samadhi: In vipassana courses people come and start the practice. Most of the time mind takes to subjects related to memories, decisions, weather, residence, aches in the body etc. This keeps the mind occupied. For brief moments some are able to achieve Samadhi since they are sitting and making effort according to the instructions. For some brief moments mind is clear of preoccupations and gets concentrated on the breath and breath alone. Precious moments.

Upkar Samadhi: these brief moments become minutes and hours of pure concentration. Releasing the mind from fear and inhibitions, making one even more capable of concentration.

Arpana Samadhi: I have no experience here. But anyone doing real work should be able to reach this. Should I write about it? This I know is a high stage, to know this one needs to have practiced a good life, or at least have a very strong moral disposition. The moral strength is not to come from adamant position of right and wrong but should be seeped in kindness, love for all beings. So much love that you don’t wish harm, for anyone. A natural sense of right and wrong, and intelligence. That’s the requisite.




*To practice what I say pick a meditation centre and join a course in vipassana. I have learnt Vipassana here:

http://www.dhamma.org/
http://www.dhamma.org/en/bycountry/ap/in/

There is nothing to these words unless someone learns and experiences, for him/herself

Perturbed

Looks like a long time has gone by, since ever. A long roll of survival and the fight for it. It is increasingly tough the more I see the underbelly of myself, but significantly less painful. I see myself cringing at my reactions (selfish and xx) many many times during a day, all I can do is watch the sensation and be equanimous and let the storm of this disappointment pass and the cherish the wisdom it leaves behind, every time. I see I am blaming myself less, surprisingly blaming others less, there is lot of inaction. Disheartening to know how much more I have to uncover and discover. My faults and some chance incidents are cajoling my half-hearted attempts at morality to become wholesome, absolute. To watch my actions is perturbing ... meditation does not make me shock proof, rather it makes me seem more vulnerable to pitfalls ... actually it makes me more visible to acts of folly in my own eyes, and makes me sick sick sick so many times. And then the long journey of 'dhunna' to let the sensations come and pass and maintain equanimity each time the 'tension' manifests itself on the surface of the mind (and as sensation on the body). Many times I lose the battle, but it is better because previously I almost always lost it, now at least I have eyes, just need to keep myself awake!

Refresh my desire to follow morality, to stop licking *shit

*looked like ice-cream in state of delusion


I have to control my willingness to externally strike and challenge, to poke fun and all useless carefree bliss I indulge, makes me sway and I lose my gem throw it in the river

Sampajañña

Samadhi is concentraition, its a tool, the real work is that of Sampajañña. Cognition, ability, possibility, equanimity all reside in it, it becomes the stepping stones. Breath alone will not take us there, Sampajañña ... being aware of the sensations, Kayanupassana, vedananupassana, cittanupassana, dhammanupassana ... vipassana

Special terms that vipassana meditators will understand

Kayanupassana Sathipatana – Cultivate Minfulness of the Body
Vedhananupassana Sathipatana – Cultivate Minfulness of the feelings
Cittanupassana Sathipatana – Cultivate Minfulness of the thoughts andmind
Dhammanupassana Sathipatana- Cultivate Minfulness of all Dhammas (phenomena)

Going for the 20-day retreat in a few minutes:)

Self-Depreciation

As a wordling living in the world of responsibilites and compulsions (of having to provide food and shelter for ourselves), there are times when we cant provide or fulfill, we tend to err evaluate.

I live in a country where they still burn young brides to death, reasons are varied, the bride might not have brought enough dowry, has refused to comply to husband's demands, is not living up to the family's demands of slavery and irrationality, anything. So much irrational is going on here. My own father would hurl words of abuse alongwith any 'request' to polish his shoes or get him a glass of water, mom tried to teach me to comply.
Beautiful life turns ugly because someone somewhere has failed to respect themselves, with an unwholesome sense of self-depreciation they turn towards others. And what can you expect-ugliness?

I am always struck by the misery of others, and this is not a weakness. I find it great that for very high stakes I stood by what I thought was right ... numerous numerous times. Nothing great came out, except for internal quest for more ... better understanding. I find I cant go out party living in my country where so many suffer...
... it has not been possible to ignore the suffering and then you disocver the noble truths.

So next time when you judge, judge the outsides as miserable and poor, and without a sense of depreciation go and set it right. When you see that your clothes are dirty and without indulging any thoughts of misery you go and do your laundry, do the same for the inside, when you find miserable thoughts, do not self-depreciate, or over indulge ... just set it right

Self-Impressions

The theme of non-me continues, even after the retreat is long over ... ah! in so many ways the retreat is not over:))

... I have been practicing regularly and I remember one stance from the retreat, meself thinking ... "to enter samadhi body has to be relaxed (mind has to be relaxed and kept agile/attentive) ... develop a sense of Panya leading to greater equanimity (samatha), develop and stregthn non-self based on experiential reality (sub-atomic particles or 'kalapas' arising and passing simultaneously).

This lead to the first taste of body breaking into the elements, of the four elements I found the air element ruling, at the time of observation ... I am back home preparing for the twenty day retreat ahead

accesstoinsight.org has been a great support. I also came across *translated abhidhamma text and read on 54 kinds of citta ... continuity of 'my' practice will be based on experience otherwise all words are superfluous, but again words of guidance at the right time work like magic.
Fortunately I have the sattipathana sutta explained in 8 VCDs ;) ah! lovely :P

Bought new pyjama and Ts for the retreat la la

*http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/abhidhaultsci.pdf

Sadhu

At Vipassana Centre

Back from vipassana retreat

The monk said

... no I

I went on saying things and the monk again said 'no I'

The World Within

... is not mine.



:)

Clear AIr

Clear air is like clear thinking. Clear thinking in meditation is a combination of factors, clarity is non-presence of certain polluting elements. Selfish desire being like CO2

Even to be relatively free of mortal desire, to let go of craving, to be in the world and not desire is like living in clear fresh air.

Love for sweethearts:P

Signs of a silly society

It is easy to break rules in a silly society.


If my mind is a 'society', some unruly folks live there, let me pull them out:)
These folks actually dont like being thrown out, they are playing a role in the society and a lot of us are under the impression that their excitement is actually helping us (though this belief is becoming less popular these days). Hmm I see the some people think that it is not good to throw these people out just because they are bad, they are too soft to say no to these unruly folks.

So, I have two choices, keep living in an unruly society (unacceptable), or throw out these uruly folks out of my life (desirable)

The breath

Yoga guys say all the time, bend this inhale now, release now

I always wondered how to do it...align the breath with the body movements, never got to be good at it or understand it

Today I realised, beginning to see, how deeply breath is connected, to things

When meditator thinks...

The mind is always wanting, or lets say the 'heart'. Its a curious phenomenon. Ok, so whenever we stop wanting (say, some immense gratification, or pleasure) its a great temporary relief, you take a deep breath to acknowledge such times ;)

Another way to find relief from this ‘wanting’, our constant need to get somewhere, do something, is to learn to meditate. Yeah! instead of seeking the world’s best, greatest pleasures, you can simply learn to meditate, its better I bet. Meditation too gives you a break from the ‘habit’ of wanting, it’s a great wholesome relief to stop doing that. If you don’t believe me then read this law in the book “Physics of the Mind” accessible in the library of meditators, written in a script easily readable by regular practitioners, available to all for free.

Usually, we think ‘wanting’ is good for us, why get rid of it?. What happens as you progress in meditation is that you see your doing becomes much much more effective when there is little wanting. Lesser the better. Your intentions cleaner and wholesome … but I want to talk about something else today, how cessation of wanting (if it ever happens to you) leads to jahana or concentration. Jhana is not just meditative absorption, but also meditative action ;)


The mind is your car (yes mind is a great physical reality, if there is anything physical at all loll), you initially learn to take the steering, yoou discover brakes and all, with time and learning you beat all the convertibles, some advance to such level that they fly glide run with it:)


I am repeating in different ways what I have already said above, you may read if you like:
Meditators have many practices, all focused to enable wholesome awareness. As the mind is aware and more aware, it sees this--the wanting all the time. Now baby, now that you see this compulsive wanting that you can do something about it. Yeah ‘wanting’ is a compulsion, minds are fooled into thinking there is free will in wanting, we are compelled to want, try to stop wanting, even for a moment and you will know what I am saying here. Wanting is like breathing, its happening all the time, whether you are aware of it or not!

Have you noticed if you are driving and looking at the road you just can't turn to look at the moon if it is high up there :)(Our minds can so just one thing at a time, u know). Wanting keeps driving us like a devil. We keep doing things, never satisfied, till we die. Ahh what misery. We keep ‘wanting’ sometimes even in the meditative practice and behave similar to wantons, hence no progress Very few actually progress these days.
Vedana is an essential tool in the practice. You know 'craving' because there is vedana, you know 'aversion' is there through the vedana, you gotta get over both craving (and aversion) be aware and equanimous to make practice with meditative skills and acquire greater deeper concentration, that further helps build greater equanimity and insight, and so forth.
One mistake people do is to try to ‘think’ through it. Can you drive the car by ‘thinking’, thinking you are in control of things,—doesn’t help. Physical action, or corresponding physical action is required, directed thought accompanied by the proper action. Meditator seems to know this fact deeply, they know it through direct insight.
Meditators do not try to control the mind. They know the mind follows habit patterns, it is a great automation. It follows laws of nature, and these laws can be understood and applied, then you see results. Just wanting the results doesn’t help.
When you stop wanting/craving (most people can not do it, they try controlling), you can actually direct the mind towards powerful concentration 'jhana'. Understand vedana and learn equanimity to stall ‘wanting’/craving. This is essential block to get over if you want to progress with concentration that will give you fruits f meditation. Understand things instead of controlling things. Trying to control can be only an extension of wanting, at times, i becomes misleading. Trying to control without understanding is trying to control flood waters with a spoon. Learning to meditate (skills of the mind) is also learning to ’undertand/acknowledge things as they are’ i.e. seeing with purity/clarity, when you see this you will be able to know what to ‘do’.
When you stop wanting/craving, mind is now free from the occupation, now free to be directed to jahana, if u can steer it. Steering the mind needs practice, it is something like learning to drive (learn to steer, do not try to take control of things, you will fall flat in your face, just learn to steer in the traffic).

Like that?

:)

"Buddha, I study in the US, and I am far away from my family. my family has only a chance to visit me twice in a year. I hope my family is always be protected from unexpected things.
and I have a wish that please lead me where ever I go and support me as well. please protect me during my studies. thanks so much, svha svha."

wah wah, Buddha gets a job!

Letter to non-meditator friend

Dear

You be moral today. Decide you will not move from righteousness.
Remember it was out of a sense of 'rightness' that you feel you should go up and demand an answer, a talk, a discussion.

It was out of your sense of rightousness he will meet you. Makes sense to do that, if you r a nice person.

So, girl, believe there is goodness around you. Even the worst of us have capacity for goodness, let it come up.

I am wrapping up a day's work, files were downloading so I took out time to write to you. (it was 3:44 am when I wrote this letter)

Love,
Pooja

Not me not mine

'Not me" "not mine" hits err...me!

Grateful to the monk

I met this monk on Skype. Wonderful Canadian (I guess) Buddhist monk. Am grateful.

There was something essential missing. I was not applying ‘equanimity’ in the right spirit. He helped me advance my understanding. At least know better than before now, and it is already helping my concentration…strange enough in the last post I spoke about watching the belly, and the monk seemed to tell me the same thing. Am grateful to the Sangha
One step at a time ;)

Talking about the practice is becoming difficult as one advances, am wiling to talk about stray things like i did the headstand easily yesterday and 'feel' better..


but the real thing is that awareness is becoming less judgmental, more massive, lighter, with practice

It is easier today to not bother about the world ... :)

Yesterday was a different day. I met a lot of people. Some owned export houses for leather goods, some exporting gems and jewelery, owners of cloth lines. We visited their homes, met their kids ... witnessed the household tension and the lavish luxury. My teacher remarked to me "I bet you will do anything to marry one of the boys here". I heard comments like "middle class are opportunistic". So many single girls are social climbers.

:)

I think I couldn't bother less. I am concerned about old age that will hit me or death for sure is gonna come. I think more about that.

Backyard

Have kept some waterpots in the backyard for birds, peacocks trust the pots only now, I kept these pots last Friday! Lovely shy birds. I dont know which ones hang out together ... I recently noticed some new baby peacocks:)))) I heard Indian peacocks are monogamous (for me thats a sign of intelligence:). Awesome awesome birds.

Mark it

There are times when you discover you have left a lot behind. In meditative life people call it passing through stations. Innumerable stations to pass through, but yeah these are like some kind of markers.

What I write from here is going to change a bit. My experiences is becoming more experiential I may not be able to say a lot of relevant things cuz a lot of it is about ‘doing’, but will still try to narrate.
One post that has been simmering is Notions of the Body

“Notions of the Body”

This happened some Saturdays back. It is usually on Saturday that I meditate for a full day. Keeping Sunday for chores. But since practice and realization go hand in hand it is usually Saturday that I get some updates on med. Its like practicing, experiencing and keeping the mindfulness continuous for some hours opens up some channels. Like physically I last longer in the gym, food intake goes low, you talk less, and basically breathe easy, letting in some knowledge.

Usually I stick around the nostrils to watch my breath. Traditionally some people watch the belly (in meditation) ha ha. So … I notice my attention shift to the belly, rising and falling with in and out breaths and the idea flashed through … notions of the body. The ref. is mahasattipathanna sutta, I understood some, some identification trickled down, what could have been meant by body. I am yet to cover a lot and know only practice is going to help, continuous practice. Promising myself a lovely trip in the hills once my project gets over, around summer-end. Give myself some long loving meditation sessions. Btw: I realized one cant meditate with guilt stuck up inside, get rid of it, all of us! No lametation, no guilt, just work, strive on the path diligently.