New Year Group Sitting

Foggy morning, drunk drivers and pollution. Made my way to the group retreat after walking the dog I am taking care of these days, without the much needed breakfast (all the hunger gone - I am trying to keep the precepts and don’t eat supper … though I don’t strictly stick to 'dont eat after 12 noon' routine. I was very much inclined to eat last night but contemplated on the ‘filthy’ aspects of food and could overcome, easily, though it took a while for the desire to leave completely, I dont know how to lose ;)

I think New Year is opportune time to explain ‘condensed experience’* (making up these terms, actual experience in meditation doesn’t need these ‘terms like condensed experience’). Condensed experience: Do you see how you look at the year/s gone by and pump up a resolution – the magic of condensed experience.

How it works? Well, some cleansing from looking back at the larger picture objectively. Real time, some moments of truth :) Also, you might not want to think this way right now, but this is like death, some chunk of my life gone, never to be retrieved. Just that in death All of it is gone.

You are suddenly glad for the leftovers.

I reached the meditation group sitting:
This old guy (teacher) conducted the meditation, and I sat down, and he answered some technical aspects of meditation with great ease and resolved doubts I had for some months. He approved and disapproved at right places. It was like taking your script to the editor, and let her suggest changes (my managerial editor was a ‘she’ :)

For general sharing on this forum, two lessons came up

One, meditators often feel pressed for spiritual experiences. It is funny and wrong to look for tangible benefits like glowing skin and perfect health from meditation, but people expect it anyway. So, the lesson is work for your material goals, keep your job/house/pet in good shape and be clear that only when you work with these things will there be better outcomes. Meditation does not help out there … yeah it can give you inspiration and guidance like being more moral in your life, being patient and spreading goodwill.

Second, mistakes happen. This insight was profound and has come after many many mini-insight-moments about the same thing. One of the things that happens to us, especially when we visit our family and old friends, is that they remind us of our mistakes. Now, the meditative mind will tell you to ‘let go’ of the past. Now that’s a cosmetic thing-let go. What I learnt was to take advantage of these mistake remembrances thrown into my face. These are like old untangled knots brought out. I carefully investigate – can I do something about it now. If I can do it, I will bend my back to amend. Most often though, its too late for amendments. In that case face the mistakes (not dwell on them), explore it and let it not cloud you this time (now here we use a practical tool of vendana, and remain equanimous to associated sensations on the body). Mistakes become a means to clear and uproot old sankharas, the imperfections. No guilt traps, no more!

Creating ‘Unknown’

So much of us wants to work with labels/names/identifying.

When you sit to meditate, just give space to unknown, create this space deliberately. See if you can stay there :) This will enable learning, welcoming, creating space and for once backing off from the stage of the 'doing' occupying mind

Without being open to unknown, you sit trying to tell your mind, such and such experience, or this or that…u wont come out any better, would you? (breath takes you there, an accompaniment towards unknown)

Like a plant needs room to grow, space…
So, when you sit, just sit still, creating space for unknown. Usually, we are afraid of unknown, we want to label things…

*Meditation on Nothingness

How much do you love ‘me’?

Ok, there is a parameter to measure how much you love others/yourself, and we are going to discuss that.

Lets begin with a question:

What aspects about yourself you feel are more pronounced or become important to you when you are in presence of others?

Lets leave that question there. Forget the question.

You will judge others on norms, by the norms you use to judge yourself - deeply thats an indication of how have you personally placed your self-worth. (So, people who are generally critical/in awe of the world, are people who need to place importance to loving/accepting themselves, as they are, and only then think about making any progress in real terms, otherwise successes will become hollow ;)
Mostly, self-worth sometimes may not even be dependent on outside circumstance, for example, the most beautiful model may be completely insecure about her looks, you know, so you need to really see what is your self-worth in your own eyes, or rather be secure and be real about loving yourself without letting anything external or physical being a factor in this. The extent to which you can love yourself - that is how far you will go about loving others too, no further. So yeah, dont be surprised if the the model's boyfriend may complain to her that he doesn't feel loved ... he doesnt feel love because she has not yet learned to love (herself). Again, loving not dependent on outside, not at all on outside physical circumstance/merits etc. Personal sense of self-worth, thats all.

...one has to feel loving compassion towards oneself, before one ventures into meditation, or loving for that matter.

Only when love is present, can we expect something real to happen.

In matters of love, the amount of delight you feel for other’s progress, beauty, well-being, is related, somehow, to how much love you feel for yourself. Not only in between couples but also strangers. Appreciation for others, delight you feel for others (sometimes even more than the person himself) helps to cultivate a warm heart.

I heard one monk say, “If you haven’t cried from your heart yet, you haven’t even begun meditation” (He said this to someone on meditation retreat … oh! I remember crying myself, not grieving but I have cried on retreats from joy, gratitude and sometimes just crying as if flood gates opened, crying without reason-opening up, melting)
Ok, along similar lines, one cant meditate unless one has some love towards oneself, acceptance and joy. From this station of joy will you move further. Cultivate joy, and to cultivate joy you need love. To cultivate love for yourself, true acceptance, learn to take true delight in goodness, in progress of others, and even if you don’t have that much or this much, feel glad that someone out there is happy. Even for strangers, even in flowers, learn to feel delighted for simple (or complex ;) instances of beauty, wisdom and prosperity. You may not need to express this physically or verbally to the person you are feeling joy for, but feel real delight, not jealousy. These are traits to be cultivated for a pure heart, bright luminous heart.

May the joy spread.

Oh the parameter! The parameter is the extent to which you feel joy for others (regardless of your situation) is the extent to which you have loved yourself and have deeper tones of acceptance. So, if you find yourself smiling wistfully, after walking back from a party, or feel joy when loved one is blessed with a child, or feel grateful that the neighbor could pay the mortgage ... well, know that you love yourself better.

Monks develop fascinating fascinating compassion, so much so that it has the power to do others well, make others feel warmth of their presence. There is so much detachment and so much purity in their love. As if they dont love you for your merits, or beauty, but because loving is their second nature ... rest doesnt matter, you are loved! Who would not grow and develop merit in midst of such teachers. Even without a teacher, may you too, dear one, find acceptance for yourself, cause it is only after accpetance and some joy that one can learn and develop, not before. One does not get rich and then work happily (one will keep dreaming then and will perhaps even be disappointed even if one manages to get rich, or earn that degree) one has to learn to love their work, and then perhaps they can earn their rewards :)

What is Individual reality?

Patanjali mentioned this in his yoga sutras (and Buddha too)

Patanjali/Buddha talked of three kinds of intuitive knowledge

Sutmaya Pragya (heard or received knowledge, say information u gather when you read etc.)
Chintamaya Pragya ( knowledge through deduction, reasoning, contemplation – not direct)
Bhanvanamaya Pragya (Experiential knowledge)

Just wanted to share this before we ‘begin’ this post 

~
There is connectedness (when people talk of universality) that is most often lost or misunderstood as and when it is quoted and re-interpreted.

Unity or onesness that we feel as a mystic quality is not so mystic after all, I err think. (All this “I am / I am the Universe/ I am You … is sort of nasty etched with pride of a literally 'bloated' ego. If there is no 'I' there is no 'you', or rule out relativity/duality/whatever!)
It is good to talk about what is, rather than what is not, so:

It appears, what it truly means is something more humbling :)
It means that we are not ‘special’, not different as a subject of natural laws that operate our minds and body, than other beings subjected to it. That we are not special, .... humbling isnt it, not even one of us:)

So mindful of how or in what light we make our mental/vocal/physical actions defines a lot about us, just as it would define for any other creature with the capacity to perform these actions. We are no different, no exceptions to the Truth. In that sense, yeah, we are one with the universe. Its a deep err ...realization, the deeper you go - the more connected, more in sync, the more perfect your being will be :)

Just that.

Tendencies

after sleep, next best evil is constant remembrance/inclination to be sad or anxious

My Universe

Context: Practice

Well minfulness (not bare mindfulness, but sampajjana with understanding of non-self and impermanence) means that nothing is more important than awareness of mental qualities and our non reaction to these.



Sampajjana is a state when one can be reactionless at all times, and still work with thoughts and involvements. Perception remains, thought/s remains, awareness toward sensations remain and relative equanimity (to the extent one can muster up) remains at All Times, even while sleeping :)

I mean one has to use thoughts and cant be blank at all times. There is motion, there is touch and one has to use thoughs and recolections even if one wants to go to the loo, to 'remember' the way to it, to differentiate between a men's facility and a woman's -

One has to place priority. Things that are in the lower order, remain there, even if they take my time full force. This moment, this activity, is a small speck in the universe. And I look at it from there, even as I take care of 'my' little activity.

As Regular as Eating

When one is on a journey, one will leave behind places one would not come back to. Our personality changes with meditation, you will notice new changes - big and small. It is important to take notice of what has changed. If you wake up a few minutes earlier than usual and feel fresh, get up, accept these precious gifts of meditation, dont resist the rewards of your hard work/realizations.

When one is on the journey, one will leave behind places one would not come back to.

One will find oneself in new places

or old-new places, changed places.


Same is with the internal journey, when you will peep in you won't find the same person, not anymore, as you progress on the path.

~more often this change/letting go happens, better it is. Try to learn to cope with new stuff, keep the mind young, curious, and not disappointed by change, even if it is annoying initially. A lot of my changes have been of letting go of expectations. Sometimes it is annoying to discover I no longer get pulled by the same stuff, that things dont appear that appealing and attractive anymore, I am many times taken by surprise at my different reactions to the 'same' things ... so I just have to take out time and reassemble priorities:)

If we have not felt changed, have not felt easier, have not not yet again fumbled to find a new balance within, then we haven not even begun meditation! Changes are like your earnings from meditation, if I had to strike a corollary.

Change is a sign of progress, one might be wise if one recognizes and lives the change, enables the change, towards better. Meditation leaves us lighter, we get rid of unreal preoccupations/burdens that one carried constantly earlier*. It is like trash kept in the room that one removes after a long while, initially you might miss it, but then its gone for good!

On the other side, you have to come back to same realities, you have to keep on with the supplies, keep the money flowing in if you are not a monk, and have a good comfortable dwelling, all this while introspecting/feeling 'nothingness' in places, in the body n in the mind.

For me, to discover a new facet of self is as regular as eating a meal. Every few hours ... worthwhile effort goes in the making:)



*As one becomes stronger in morality one becomes less fearful, and becomes more assured about the future. This is a natural change:)
Morality (five precepts) are like a safety net, if you wont cheat lie, deceit, misconduct, steal or take intoxicants - nothing to be scared of now...you have practiced Right Speech and have kept from harm, very well done!

Perception Without Thoughts

I know this might not be understood. But that’s fine.

There is perception without thoughts.

Thoughts are not yours. Nor is this body yours. There is only reality - six sense doors and respective inputs. In the monk free from the five hindrances.

When from the basis of the past, thoughts do not interfere perception, there is perception without thoughts.

Thus, O monks, do the ideal ones concentrate - in equanimity, in awareness and in wisdom.

Mind moments swell from moments to minutes, from khanika samadhi to upkar samadhi.

Panya

Sampajañña

This post is not for intellectual exercise. Kind of a personal note, in the vipassana practice of 'noticing' 'acknowledging'

Mental Contents Within Mental Contents

After a few insights, more or less based on non-self, mind suddenly took a leap into deeper understanding.

This is from the Mahasatipatthana Sutta when Buddha says something like :

"Mental contents in mental contents … "

(When I first read notes from mahasatipatthana sutta I came across phrases like Body in body, … mental contents in mental contents ... I felt helpless, I could not understand these phrases at all)

Now, in case of Anger for example, I see mental contents thus:
1.I saw that the apparent anger may be a projection of some insecurity inside
2. Insecurity/fear that is working this anger, creating a veil and keeping me away from the real cause/s of anger, keeps me a step away from reality
3. If I look closely at this anger->based on fear/insecurity, observing the sensations, I see clear connection of this anger with craving or aversion

Now having understood thus, I stop the cycle of ignorance (avijja) and come out of the anger!

As soon as I face/understand the real cause, anger gets uprooted, and mindfulness is established again in equanimity

Here, I see three layers of feelings - feeling within feelings. By the time I scrap the third layer and reach there, mindfulness is firmly established in equanimity

* Of course these words will make sense only with experience of
concentration practice
familiarity with sensations within sensations
practice in equanimous awareness
awareness of presence of a mental quality (that one can use as a basis of experience in the Now)

Thoughts lose a lot of their power over the 'mind'. One can choose what one wants to think, and does not think what one does not want to think.

With witnessing feelings within feelings, one faces the cause of suffering that so clearly lies within.
Sometimes suffering dissolves immediately transforming the physical cause too (say a pain that has appeared on the body), sometimes things change after sizzling a bit, sometimes it takes years.

If U have gathered courage to face it, with equanimity, suffering and its physical manifestation have to leave, sooner or later.

A second insight happened at meal time this morning, somewhat related. Makes the subject of my second post "Perception without Thoughts"

Also, I see how insights are building up, I remember how I understood much less around April 26, 2010 when I wrote the following post Mark It:

I wrote a post "Mark it" on April 26, 2010
Usually I stick around the nostrils to watch my breath. Traditionally some people watch the belly (in meditation) ha ha. So … I notice my attention shift to the belly, rising and falling with in and out breaths and the idea flashed through … notions of the body. The ref. is mahasatipatthanna sutta, I understood some, some identification trickled down, what could have been meant by ‘body in body’.

So I can say it was at this point, after years of practice, that I had begun to understand these terms - ‘body’, ‘sensations within sensations’ and now ‘mental contents’, kind of appropriately called it Mark It, kind of a new beginning (though I didnt realise then :)

I first read mahasatipatthana sutta at a meditation pagoda in 2003 (towards the end, in this video). I remember how helpless I had felt not understanding Buddha’s words. It has taken years to bring about this post, to answer questions (partly) that crossed my mind in 2003, with mahasatipatthana book in my hand, I never forgot those questions. Each day since then has been a stepping stone…and I know mahasatipatthanna sutta is several hundred phrases long, I have understood only two phrases, and that too only partially. Learning happens all at once, and in stages 
Still uncovering…

Letter to Meditator: Expectations as Hindrance

Look at how we grasp things.

It is a little less than inspiring to see power hungry people. It is not nice to see someone gorge hungrily on food, when they have already have had enough.

Something in us intuitively seeks balance.

I discovered it is not just the disliked object that we feel not so happy about, but also something larger, deeper, notional. We are afraid of the unnaturalness, the 'false' hunger. Our needs are actually a lot less than what we demand from life.

Wanting is endless. The chase after wants is tiring. Hard work is to be aware of these processes right in the beginning, before the wanting becomes a very strong habit pattern in the mind. Before we become a prey to a 'false' want. Sometimes this dunzie/false want lasts for a lifetime, say keeping up with a relationship we never wanted in the first place-yet how we cling! Or it could be keeping secure some denial we experienced as a kid. A lifetime of regret. Sometimes, a lifetime of chase for something we just 'thought' we wanted.
Is it okay to step back and see if we really want what we want? Take some time to question yourself, your beliefs, I mean just to get more real about our directions.
:) Takes practice.

Here is a short two minute video



One has to be really relaxed to chuck things out. Things inspired by a comparison, an advert, something we read ... desires that just creep in insidiously. We need to be aware at the time of mind taking that input, but it is difficult ... so take time out to review string mind moments when we were reactive. You will discover significant (yet funny things), like sometimes we begin to want, ironically, things that we hate - do you remember checking the facebook profile of someone you dont err like? Craziness!

So one has to get rid of digressions, that actually run much deeper than we think. As you progress, you will discover we need a lot less than what we have been chasing.

Personally, I have discovered, I have made superior progress in my materialistic goals when I removed expectations that halter me, this took literally several weeks of relaxation. I had to take expectations off layer by layer, sometimes painfully. And let go. I had to come to understand areas that caused constant stress and were actually running opposite to some larger goals. Had to cut a lot off my back. took a lot of revisiting. Yet the key was to be aware in the now, and see what direction is my mind taking, and steer it and question it if it is a 'false' direction am going in.

Its not that you would always do something you 'like'. But at least you will be able to be in a non-dual mind state. Like you might me writing a report you really want, and clearly that is the direction mind is taking. And then there is a digression of wanting something to eat. At this point before walking off the report: I would have considered this (when did I eat last, is this hunger 'real' or false distraction). If it is real hunger I wont call it distraction, and I will in all probability come back to my report, starting from where I left it.

Removing these expectations are like removing hindrances. It will also help you face unpleasant tasks more effectively. You will see the clarity, and the difference between need and desire. It is more effective and more in the face looking at Facts, and drawing inspiration from your goals.

Am writing this to you, after shedding some weight. After a terrificly irritating incident. I write to you after succeeding in revising my expectation and achieving a personal positive end. This small victory gave me courage to write this. Am thankful for this clear articulation on mental process, and hope it benefits you shed some unnecessary weight. It helps in meditation:)

Lv

Give me Comfort

I have so many times heard monks say things like " I have anger, but I dont entertain it"

Buddha mentions something about not accepting gifts (of anger or hateful words)
Ref: Akkosa Sutta — Abuse

So the first thing, right now, that gives me comfort is to not give energy to thoughts, to let them pass.


(and second is dhamma companionship, may it be:)
Ref:Upaddha Sutta — Good Friendship