Meditating on Death

Meditating on Death.

It brings the refreshing courage to be able to do (right)things. Just the reflection that I will die helps losen the pride attached to youth, it gives stregth to be humble, to truly cherish the moment

Mirror Therapy

I dont usually consult the mirror. Even as a kid, I was surprised once when I looked deeply in the mirror, surprised to see some physical changes over a year. This resulted in arising of anatta or 'non-self'* Things dont change that radically now ... but I was once more taken by surprise today.

I saw my expressions in the mirror. Preparing for an interview ... all I saw was hypocrisy, and pain. Why didnt I see this before? I had changed inside, in states of concentration, but I was trying to maintain the same 'self' outside, in my daily interactions. The result was a hypocrite, someone who was trying to hide her truth.

Things are going to change outside, is all I know!

:))

*Though around then I didnt know the technical term 'non-self'/'anatta'.

Helpful

The load thats shedding off me today, and started shedding with the 'Keeping the purity' post, was something that was with me for quite some time. ... since I was born it was like a cloud, like not literally, just a hazy sadness. Now that I am doing maths I remember so many instances, at least since high school, when I just couldnt take on numbers, there was no joy in it. Particularly a problem with concentration. Sadness overtook. This sadness literally stopped me from doing things, made me lazy, I was sad all the time, even when I smiled!


With morality, integrity, the spasm eases. Even if it has been there for so long that u cant remember, even then, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..

With breathing it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..

With equanimity towards vibrations/feelings on the body/mind it eases the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...

With concentration and mindfulness it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...


The catalyst to concentration has been the ability to replace thoughts of anxiety, and sadness with thoughts of metta. Very real, it could result in a very big difference in my material goals, spiritual it already has...and its only begun!

To love, forget the hate

Wherever I looked, things seemed far
No one seemed near, war without war

Get up, wake up wake up before its too late
... take it on, from the beginning begin again

..wake up before its late, to try the love again, forget the hate!


Numerous numerous times. From worse things I learn. And move on, dusting away the hatred it covers me with. Not be affected, not be deluded ... if you fall, get up get up, and dont look back

*** This is not after some event 'outside', I have been checking my disposition. Replacing thoughts of conceit, with love. Love as a disposition, I will not harm, I will not hurt, I will not be ignorant, even in high stakes, tough times. One starts loving oneself, giving space to learn, love evokes space to learn. Replaces all other preoccupations and giving way to concentration, samyak concentration. It takes a lot of time and numerous numerous efforts, it seems ... until of course, when it returns fruits. Until then, tough situations outside come as a blessing to test ur equanimity and balance, stronger the capacity to love, better stocked u r for tough times. With this, learning and rejuvinating, u progress inside and outside.

It is easy to forget I'll die, I'll fall sick..effort has to be 'right effort' not some madness, time is precious :)

On Emotion

We want to be prepared, so we tell ourselves-- if this happens, even if this happens .. and such, to be mentally prepared.

Builds up emotion.

To see things as they are, requires practice. To see things as they are ... as it occurred, to see things as they are ... even after it has happenned!

यथार्थ चिन्तन

Joy of Solitude

Does existence seem binding when you associate. There seems to be a craziness in being alone. At least I will feel more free diving from a (low)cliff. ... right into the Ganges:)

My heart sings and I tend to observe more things around me. I try to stay younger and feel less attached to things around. I dont have to own up/cover for someone else's stupidity. I care about larger, more relevant things...and do not care for luxuries. Perfumes, good mattress, good car ... u need all that when u well... but being single is magical, u dont 'need' all that stuff, not that much! There is no subtle pretence, no real pretence, you can stink and not feel all too bad. And most of all you can wrap your legs, in meditation, anytime you get time!

I could go on and on.

But the real stuff is that being single is a world of difference. It is very very different from being in a relationship/wanting to be in a relationship. Watch the sway of such people when they walk, they tread different lands. They own themselves like no one else. Bloody lions!

Letter to the Meditator

Keeping the Purity

Concentration is like distilled water. You take out the impurities of fear, lust, greed and ill-will. Also laziness, if any.

How does one take these out? To get rid of these impurities that cause stress, impurities that makes us feel heavy and does not let us be open, to take out these impurities you look at the sensations bubbling in the body with deep equanimity/objectivity.

With great bravery you have to tell these sensation that you are not me, this 'pain' is not 'me'. It is changing, impermanent, and that which is impermanent will make me keep going back and forth without me reaching anywhere, its an illusion! So keep objectivity in overwhelming situations, or if some remembrance strikes you, take it on and let it spill in a thousand sensations and let it make space for the next bubble. Take it from there till the mind is calm, peaceful, back on the breath, try. Bring it back to the breath again and again, without distractions as far as you can.

Be mindful of annicca (impermanent), dukkha (stress), and anatta (non-self) when witnessing sensations/emotions, esp. if they appear pleasant. What is impermanent cant be pleasant, for it will change, look at the arising and passing with objectivity, this is equanimity.

How to know/grow in equanimity, what is the tool? Well, this is where the breath and the practice of concentration on the breath helps. Can you watch the breath touching your upper lip for more than five minutes, ten minutes, twenty minutes .... ? Are there moments when ur concentration sways and then immediately comes back. Or in deeper samadhi it stays only with the breath and you are constantly aware of the area below the nostrils above the upper lip, without interference of other emotions, other than greater objectivity/equanimity/awareness (of the breath). These are moments of purity. . Its not easy, I know, by experience.

Lately, I have begun to stay with the breath for longer periods. I recommend this article, some sections are just brilliant:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/thanissaro/deperception.html

Quote:

"... Ultimately, when you reach a perception of the breath that allows the sensations of in-and-out breathing to grow still, you can start questioning more subtle perceptions of the body. It's like tuning into a radio station. If your receiver isn't precisely tuned to the frequency of the signal, the static interferes with the subtleties of whatever is being transmitted. But when you're precisely tuned, every nuance comes through. The same with your sensation of the body: when the movements of the breath grow still, the more subtle nuances of how perception interacts with physical sensation come to the fore." ...

You will see this kind of concentration helps you even in terrible situations in real life, when u are not meditating. It is as if you face the situation with a greater depth and variety of knowledge, and that the terribleness of the experience is not the whole and sole of your existence. Same with ecstasy, you are not delude by it, not killed by it, there is placidness, knowledge that any pleasant state will 'change'.

Morality is the foundation to achieving the filter, for purity. If you have done something otherwise, this will occur and reoccur in varied ways when u sit for meditation, if you are able to sit at all. If you havent done somethin wrong, and still feel miserable, check to see if you generated too much attachment to the idea of 'me' and 'mine', is there ill-will, remorse, ...in short ''craving' or 'aversion'. If yes, well here is your chance to clear it and keep the purity, for the emotions has surfaced as sensations and you let it off by watching the sensations with objectiviy. So, try sitting for meditation in tough times, and that will help you be truthful, to accept situations and not waste time there. And being truthful and other things helps you when you sit for meditation. Thoughts of weakness will come, may even overpower, but read something from accesstoinsight ha ha and get back on your feet. Do it.


Largely, these are things that generate misery-do not steal, no sexual misconduct, intoxication, lies, do not kill. What does it mean to tell a lie? I have seen when someone asks me something I tend to tell 'em small white lies, or big lies ... though meditation is making me refreshingly honest. At times things got tough, seemingly worse but me wont budge from truthful stance. When it looks like a losing game if I say the truth, I use a trick, I remember the regret because of my half-hearted truths in the past, things I didnt want to accept or see, and then usually I get the strength to go on and be with truth. It could mean giving up a job ... or just something done only for others, but yeah ... I guess you get the drift.

But each truthful stance helped me be more clear. Not even in everyday life, but also in meditation.

Similarly sexual misconduct, helps to think that you dont have sexual insecurity within you, at all times, that you mean well when speaking to the opposite gender. Killing ... I now tend to look at spiders and mosquitoes with compassion, I move them when they creep up do not to kill. A change in attitude is wanting, your whole being gets involved, meditation is not happening in isolation. I once woke up from my sleep feeling compassion for the mosquito whose bite woke me up from sleep. There are times you kill/mosquitoes ants inadvertently...but the point is change in attitude, situations-big or small will keep manifesting, as long we live!

I took my sister to visit Qutub Minar, some other tourists were there too. I saw a man hitting his 11-12 years old son, even as the child cried, swollen eyes.
I went and quietly told the stranger to hold his anger, he shouted at me, with a whole bunch of his family watching silently, like they had watched the child get beaten-dead in dumbness, I told him I can file a complaint in the police for bullying the child, if he likes, and moved. I got the strength and the audacity from the meditation, I had objectivity, and when you say things with that objectivity, other will see the point. I felt I will break my precept if I didnt 'act' there. ... I dont want you to go out taming the world, most of the time the engagement is about taming oneself, of being aware of the sensations, and be objective, and not roll in misery, not let thoughts of ill-will, lust, greed, or even fear, to overpower us,--chimeras!

When you become pro, you will see your morality is not only shielding you, but also helping others. Meditation will also keep you calm. There is no other judgement.

Further:
As you grow in morality you will see the suffering around you. This takes time. You become objective, you see the inherent stress even in seeming state of happiness and pleasure. This further helps develop objectivity. Your mind seems to develop a space of purity, clarity that far exceeds any state of 'joy'. This is keeping the purity. Develop this state by practicing with the breath, practicing truth n morality. Do not forget annicca (impermanent), dukkha (stress), and anatta (non-self) when watching the sensations that appear on the body, with the associated mind-states.

With time, you start seeing this creates a space, a state of mind you can choose to be in. Create this space of concentration. Take to the breath, clear the mind of preoccupations, and keep it with the breath, for longer. Look at the sensations, gross or subtle, with the same objectivity you see the breath with.

Dont keep regrets. Guilt is also not allowed in meditation, no matter who you are or what u'have done/not done (or what others did!), you are qualified to start meditation, do not let roll further in misery. Keep objectivity. Do not keep sorrow. This is keeping the purity:)

Metta,
Pooja

Death

This seems a specific enquiry, realistic ... would seem strange to anyone who doesnt meditate. My advice is do Not read this post if you dont meditate.

"Death is in my fingertips (nails)
Death is in my nailbed (dead skin)
Death is at the end of the scalp (hair)
Death is in the toe nails
Death is in the corner of the eyes (eye mucus)
Death degenration in the nostrils, ears
Death in my spit
Death in urine, blood, excrea
Stink of death in every pore of the body! (sweat)


Samatha"

Samatha (Equanimity)

What is more complete— experience or thinking?



When experience is expansive, complete, closer to truth, it loses temporary demarcations that we set. We progress till there (complete experience of reality) with right view, right effort … vipassana. Even laws of physics become clear, this is no exaggeration!


What are the demarcations we set?
Well, to tag something we expect for us to happen as ‘good’. Or to think of things as death, hurt and loss as something unexpected and sad experience. To set any demarcation of good and bad or expected and unexpected is to get 'unreal'. If such thought continues then it takes us away from reality, from vipassana. Strong expectations result in strong disappointments and ahh the misery of accumulated disappointment in old age! Come out of misery, come out of misery … pooja!
To effectively know, unpleasant as unpleasant without being perturbed … and pleasant as pleasant, without being affected is Vipassana [vipassana is not an event of thought, vipassana is Shila (morality), Samadhi (concentration), and Panya (Wisdom)]

But to be such is not easy. Not because we do not understand (in fact it is an appealing thing at the level of thought) but habitual experience is different. We do react in unwholesome ways, like an addiction. To trace it, see what personality you have what strengths and weakness we carry, moment after moment, days after days, years after years. I know I have had the same difficulties for several years, I know what is the solution and yet couldn’t work towards it, I have been too sad to start working to achieve these things. My sadness has been deeper than any inspirational song or wisdom-talk could dive.
Having tried to be equanimous I know I am up against swell of a tide … Samadhi helps one regain composure, mindfulness:

Khanik Samadhi: In vipassana courses people come and start the practice. Most of the time mind takes to subjects related to memories, decisions, weather, residence, aches in the body etc. This keeps the mind occupied. For brief moments some are able to achieve Samadhi since they are sitting and making effort according to the instructions. For some brief moments mind is clear of preoccupations and gets concentrated on the breath and breath alone. Precious moments.

Upkar Samadhi: these brief moments become minutes and hours of pure concentration. Releasing the mind from fear and inhibitions, making one even more capable of concentration.

Arpana Samadhi: I have no experience here. But anyone doing real work should be able to reach this. Should I write about it? This I know is a high stage, to know this one needs to have practiced a good life, or at least have a very strong moral disposition. The moral strength is not to come from adamant position of right and wrong but should be seeped in kindness, love for all beings. So much love that you don’t wish harm, for anyone. A natural sense of right and wrong, and intelligence. That’s the requisite.




*To practice what I say pick a meditation centre and join a course in vipassana. I have learnt Vipassana here:

http://www.dhamma.org/
http://www.dhamma.org/en/bycountry/ap/in/

There is nothing to these words unless someone learns and experiences, for him/herself