Breaking the Music

This is not breaking in ... this is breaking up

Say, a relationship, when it breaks up u are left with fragments. You revisit events: this was happy, this was furious, this was mad, this was good...u break it up even in your head in more ways than one.

What makes you look back and wonder anew, to know things you didnt know when you were in it, from fragments?


Ask a meditator, and almost all of them will answer this perfectly:)


when fragments become new wholes. Like breaking up a car to door, car seat, gear, engine parts...

Once you break up the 'situation' there is no whole, each fragment becomes tangible and u 'identify'- happy, furious, mad, u break it down. When meditating you do the same thing in the situation, when living the relationship with yourself, each moment. YOu look at it with detachment, in each moment, mindfully. You come out of the illusionary lull of 'continuity'. And the illusion of 'self' breaks up, only fragments remain. It is a strong meditation/physics concept-there is no whole, only fragments/constituents.

Listening to Enya yesterday when I thought I couldnt like her more ... the situation started to break up, in to fragments, music the spell was lost and I begin to hear only sounds, as if with space in between sounds ( there seemed to be clear space between sounds and if in the same time, time slowed down or u begin to see fragments and notice the small nano pauses/breaks under a microscope). Remember how accurately u remember details of strong experiences, like a car accident, recollecting things u didnt know u noticed. Suddenly your mind is concentrated in the moment (its sad though most people need very strong experiences like that to be in the present) I could still recognise its music, Enya's, but the music was lost in sounds now, I no longer looked at it as whole nor was absorbed by it. The spell was gone and with that the like for the music, and the desire to keep listening. There were just sounds and spaces between them. As if the experience was complete (in the present) and no need to go over the track again.

This wasnt the first time the break up happened. I earlier felt this only in strong experiences, when facing a great physical threat, or when I was on my edge not able to tolerate the confusion of the situation. Everyone feels it at some point, meditators can really understand the situation. These people, when logical and good, can keep their cool in any situation, like heroes. (But the significance of being cool for meditators is for a greater purpose, to understand 'reality'.) They pack every moment we call 'normal with this significance, nothing remains dull or 'not dull'

You dont come back as the same person, relatively, after the break up.
Imagine the stregth of people, ability to experience, of some people who are in the present, each moment. They overcome pain, delusion, hatred, passion, anger ... from knowing how to experience things. Meditation is skillfully experiencing things. Learning to do that.

Lv u Buddha, for being so wise!

Black Spots

My black spots:

I am lazy
I am impulsive
I hv a greater share of delusion, applying my head for constructive reasoning becomes very difficult for me, esp. for things I lack and need to improve upon
I fear, very subtle fear, I fear a lot
I am attached to self, lazy to let go


For now. Slept for long, woke up n slept again. Pure awesome lazy.

Next Best Enemy: Sleep

I remember wasting not just hours, but days together in sleep. Hopeless and dejected, I would just sleep.

Not more than four hours now.