Fifth night I spent under the Bodhi tree meditating.
Usually they charge extra if you want to stay back at night to meditate under the tree, yesterday the temple monk gave permit without me having to pay - a gift!
I was alone this time, Olga in the hotel room tonight. Initially the sitting was very uncomfortable and I kept fidgeting, mosquitoes and general discomfort and I had to keep changing posture. I sat at 9 pm and opened my eyes at 12 pm to discover they had lighted one big light and the place was covered in mist. Closed my eyes and continued, wondering why am uncomfortable today (it still did not register it is getting quite cold).
I got up and left the shawl on the seat and walked around the temple, felt better, but as soon as I sat down I met agitation, picked my phone and found the metal part unusually cold. Hmm :)
Regardless, I kept meditating watching the discomfort of the body with calm in my mind. Soon mist began to condense into big drops, making everything wet. Like the Bodhi tree was dropping tears of karuna and metta. Open my eyes again to find monks walking around the tree unaffected by the cold and drew inspiration to continue(some Thai monks take up the practice of never lying down), another Thai laywoman sitting motionless in a white cotton saree. Sometimes, all you need to finish a task is guts!
Seeing the Thai woman, I was almost ashamed of my warm comfortable clothes. Continued my work calmly. In the morning I felt something opened eyes again to find the concerned watchman there taking stock if all meditators were alright after the sudden turn of weather. My face came out of the hood of my jacket smiling, he was relieved. He asked me why didnt I use a mosquito net - "Dont need it", I smiled and reply.
It was a tough night for all of us, evoked a sense of mutual love and support as all meditators worked together in silence for the whole night ... and the morning was most beautiful ever. A monk stopped and gifted me a Bodhi leaf from the tree in the morning.
I could easily pass a few days with very little sleep, and have never felt better.
When the mind is that calm, you need next to no sleep.
As you progress in meditation, you can forget about 'strong' experiences, welcome to the sphere of the subtle :)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Difference
Olga and me both are reaping good fruits.
Both of us walk back after a night of meditation and wake after some rest between 8-10 am. Its amazing we walk or meditate near the Bodhi Tree through the day and are becoming better at staying calm and restful.
Yesterday, it became quite clear to me that it will not be difficult for me to be a monk. I will find it easier and more sense to live the life of a monk.
My gender stops me. At least brings in genuine concerns.
Both of us walk back after a night of meditation and wake after some rest between 8-10 am. Its amazing we walk or meditate near the Bodhi Tree through the day and are becoming better at staying calm and restful.
Yesterday, it became quite clear to me that it will not be difficult for me to be a monk. I will find it easier and more sense to live the life of a monk.
My gender stops me. At least brings in genuine concerns.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Dissolving
From Sarnath to Bodh Gaya
Dont know what and how much to write here. How much can be shared...
Right now near the Bodhi tree. We are spending five days here - or rather nights. Yesterday me and Olga (travel partner fellow meditator) spent the entire night meditating under the Bodhi tree. We walked back to our quarters at around 4 in the morning ... slept soon after and woke up in a few hours at 9 am completely rested. Olga has gone to the room to catch some rest now as I am sitting here writing this post – its 6 pm.
I feel quite good with her, money is of least concern between us and we frequently lose track of who paid for what :)
Today we spent some time walking in the local market as I wanted to buy fresh milk, fresh veggies and fresh bread instead of going to some eatery ... we got back to the room and had a good salad, fresh Tibetan bread, hot chocolate from the cow milk we were lucky enough to get. Going local turned out to be a super idea to save our guts from spice!
Going to soak almonds and soak chickpea for sprouts and have that for breakfast. I increasingly prefer cheap over expensive, and there are reasons - if you go to a cheap eatery chances are you will be served quickly, you walk out quickly and save time, food will be fresh and usually I ask them to cook in a particular way and it is easier to get it done in a smaller joint ... I feel safer in trains and public transport after bad experience with hired drivers hallucinating after lack of sleep, or drivers just trying to help us realize that we are single women daring to travel alone in Bihar.
It is great to stay in a Tibetan monastery and wake up with chanting and gongs, far better than a plush hotel with creature comforts.
I know am losing a lot of constructs, I could sit with street kids in the park surrounding the stupa marking the place where Buddha gave his first discourse and talk for hours and sip tea from the same cup ... ... I even washed the public bathroom in the Tibetan monastry before I used it. Funny part is it only occurred to me later that instead of taking all the trouble I could have paid someone to clean it! I saw the monks were cleaning the toilets and were not using soap, I simply went to my room, got lots of soap and scrubbed the toilets and bathrooms tiles till it was squeaky clean; then took a shower in cold water, and walked out with Olga for breakfast.
Numerous little things
Everybody began to recognize us n the small town of Sarnath - peculiar pair - an Indian and Western girl looking very peaceful waking past the streets ... not into rites and rituals but just with the ability to sit motionless for hours near the holy sites :)
People would smile as we would walk past in the small town J
Olga was a complete stranger before I met her for this trip at the meditation center, and we will soon be parting ways
Ja
Dont know what and how much to write here. How much can be shared...
Right now near the Bodhi tree. We are spending five days here - or rather nights. Yesterday me and Olga (travel partner fellow meditator) spent the entire night meditating under the Bodhi tree. We walked back to our quarters at around 4 in the morning ... slept soon after and woke up in a few hours at 9 am completely rested. Olga has gone to the room to catch some rest now as I am sitting here writing this post – its 6 pm.
I feel quite good with her, money is of least concern between us and we frequently lose track of who paid for what :)
Today we spent some time walking in the local market as I wanted to buy fresh milk, fresh veggies and fresh bread instead of going to some eatery ... we got back to the room and had a good salad, fresh Tibetan bread, hot chocolate from the cow milk we were lucky enough to get. Going local turned out to be a super idea to save our guts from spice!
Going to soak almonds and soak chickpea for sprouts and have that for breakfast. I increasingly prefer cheap over expensive, and there are reasons - if you go to a cheap eatery chances are you will be served quickly, you walk out quickly and save time, food will be fresh and usually I ask them to cook in a particular way and it is easier to get it done in a smaller joint ... I feel safer in trains and public transport after bad experience with hired drivers hallucinating after lack of sleep, or drivers just trying to help us realize that we are single women daring to travel alone in Bihar.
It is great to stay in a Tibetan monastery and wake up with chanting and gongs, far better than a plush hotel with creature comforts.
I know am losing a lot of constructs, I could sit with street kids in the park surrounding the stupa marking the place where Buddha gave his first discourse and talk for hours and sip tea from the same cup ... ... I even washed the public bathroom in the Tibetan monastry before I used it. Funny part is it only occurred to me later that instead of taking all the trouble I could have paid someone to clean it! I saw the monks were cleaning the toilets and were not using soap, I simply went to my room, got lots of soap and scrubbed the toilets and bathrooms tiles till it was squeaky clean; then took a shower in cold water, and walked out with Olga for breakfast.
Numerous little things
Everybody began to recognize us n the small town of Sarnath - peculiar pair - an Indian and Western girl looking very peaceful waking past the streets ... not into rites and rituals but just with the ability to sit motionless for hours near the holy sites :)
People would smile as we would walk past in the small town J
Olga was a complete stranger before I met her for this trip at the meditation center, and we will soon be parting ways
Ja
Monday, November 28, 2011
On Pilgrimage
Just discovered I carried the wrong ATM card, little cash.
Traveling further with a girl from Lithuania, she knows all the right places to stay in, and cheap :P
Will go back to make a small donation at the meditation center I just completed a 20 day silent retreat in - most precious 20 days of my life. Would not exchange it for 20 years in heaven - if someone makes an offer than is he he.
Will be gone to Sarnath, Bodh Gaya, Rajgiri and then possibly to Nepal (Lumbini).
I love you, may you be happy.
Peace
Traveling further with a girl from Lithuania, she knows all the right places to stay in, and cheap :P
Will go back to make a small donation at the meditation center I just completed a 20 day silent retreat in - most precious 20 days of my life. Would not exchange it for 20 years in heaven - if someone makes an offer than is he he.
Will be gone to Sarnath, Bodh Gaya, Rajgiri and then possibly to Nepal (Lumbini).
I love you, may you be happy.
Peace
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Letter to Meditator: Embrace
Revoked my decision to stay put in the lower hills.
Traveled further, and further up in the mountains till I saw horses roaming free, still lakes on mountain tops …
Sometimes we have to sit still, as the change happens all around and within us.
I was embraced by the mountains, plan didn’t go as I had charted – never does!
Fell sick, for a while - air is too clean. Pic of landing site today after I was in air for a few hours paragliding!
Lovely sunny day, as I sat alone perched 2000 m in Dhauladhar mountain range, heavy mist surrounded us for a while before we took off again hopping from mountain to mountain, I felt I had never felt more connected to Earth like that ...
Not writing much, slow connection, not much to write anyway
Metta
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Had nothing to write about since my trip to Gaya, held it in my heart I guess - Gaya.
Until today I rolled down the hill - steep walk for about 20 minutes to bring me from the small village am staying in (Dhammakot) to Dalai Lama’s palace in McLeod Ganj. He was teaching there today, saw him, heard him, and chanted with him. He was surrounded by monks in robes, Tibetans young and old. I also met my old self there, from many years back, sitting in the same setting when I didn’t know Tibetan texts, didn’t know their mantras, and did not know myself much. Meditating in much the same way, without the ritual.
Once at Potala Palace, I obeyed rules! Did not even carry camera and mobile, as requested, left it in a pen stand in a nearby café and picked it on my way back – did not get to see the owner of the café but knew from previous experience that you can just leave things there…
Am going to stay put here, not going to travel any further whole of this week. Locals are just awesome and I think I think am safe in a single room hanging out on to the valley overlooking a jungle :D
Donated to monks (old wish, had been hoping for such an opportunity and felt lucky). Bought some CDs I could find earlier, will be joining group sittings twice daily and practice Yoga whole of this week, as the rest burst crackers and pollute the air.
(Away)
Until today I rolled down the hill - steep walk for about 20 minutes to bring me from the small village am staying in (Dhammakot) to Dalai Lama’s palace in McLeod Ganj. He was teaching there today, saw him, heard him, and chanted with him. He was surrounded by monks in robes, Tibetans young and old. I also met my old self there, from many years back, sitting in the same setting when I didn’t know Tibetan texts, didn’t know their mantras, and did not know myself much. Meditating in much the same way, without the ritual.
Once at Potala Palace, I obeyed rules! Did not even carry camera and mobile, as requested, left it in a pen stand in a nearby café and picked it on my way back – did not get to see the owner of the café but knew from previous experience that you can just leave things there…
Am going to stay put here, not going to travel any further whole of this week. Locals are just awesome and I think I think am safe in a single room hanging out on to the valley overlooking a jungle :D
Donated to monks (old wish, had been hoping for such an opportunity and felt lucky). Bought some CDs I could find earlier, will be joining group sittings twice daily and practice Yoga whole of this week, as the rest burst crackers and pollute the air.
(Away)
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Letter to the Meditator: Sit Under the Bodhi Tree
As your concentration will deepen, your understanding of dhamma will deepen. As the understanding of dhamma will deepen, it will help you understand and identify deeper states of concentration, you will be more adept and skillful with concentration-samma samadhi.
Some sittings will be very very tough, may not be physically only, but also morally and mentally. You will learn to shield yourself, and wade through – impermanence is self-evident when you observe arising and passing of sensations, the sense of ‘anatta’/'not me' will also start oozing each time you sit. I sat down in the office crèche for meditation for an hour, initially sensations of cold and goose bumps (from the air cooling), then as I usually sit at home I felt I was sitting at home, then I forgot even that, mere sensations, when I got up from the sitting in exactly one hour, and moved back to my office chair, I carried a strong sense of anatta- this sensation is ‘not me’. So look, we cant predict our progress, when will an insight come and catch you unawares ;) We can only keep working. So, keep working.
I am back from a few hours sit under the bodhi tree, went last weekend. Could not still bring myself to write this post immediately after coming back, there is very little I can share about the experience. It was disrupting at first and caught me unaware, I took some time before I could calm myself down and really ‘sit’. Brought a deeper, more profound understanding of dhamma as I sat under the tree, amidst a crowd of wayfarers and an occasional meditator. I think something deep happened there, as even in my dreams I saw Buddha for a day or two after that, sensing dhamma in his presence, as if he was here teaching what is samatha.
May you be happy, may you be liberated.
Metta
What remains?
Problem was that this was my song, this was my life, this was my mistake, or this was my house.
And as you go further, you can map yourself by what is not left of ‘me’.
The world wont change, you would.
And as you go further, you can map yourself by what is not left of ‘me’.
The world wont change, you would.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
I went running today. I see, if I look back, rough times of my life I have gotten up and have gone for long sprints. Run, run run, and come back, to see I am not putting in enough. How shallow are you breathing - running will tell you - may be!
Just wanted to share that, in rough times, we need to tune up, tune in, be more aggressive, more aggressive with patience, with not putting up with nonsense, and eager to be loving, more aggressive in loving oneself!
As I ran today, stopped to stretch and bend, gather energy and run some more ... I could see the energy spill over to other people, I ran without much pride, giving out metta, instead of sweating pride in my running I ran breathing love for those around me, as much as I could!!
Just wanted to share that, in rough times, we need to tune up, tune in, be more aggressive, more aggressive with patience, with not putting up with nonsense, and eager to be loving, more aggressive in loving oneself!
As I ran today, stopped to stretch and bend, gather energy and run some more ... I could see the energy spill over to other people, I ran without much pride, giving out metta, instead of sweating pride in my running I ran breathing love for those around me, as much as I could!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
Long day at work-not nasty
“You might remember times when you were completely in the wrong, bad and mean, or ignorant and immoral. Might be times when your heart was pure, and good”
-Practicing Lay Person
I heard this guy say this quote above this week at the group sit. Pretty ripe, old man. He said that he learnt to live now, just learnt driving a car, and just learnt being mindful – yeah, quite a lot to say in one sentence.
What I kept learning this week (if there is a such thing ‘week’), was to recognize, to see. Earlier if I felt energy I will waste it, if I did not feel it then I will crave it …
To know things to be anicca, anatta, dukkha, to treat stuff as same, ahh to recognize this and still work, truthfully.
You know, I was coming back from work, train of thoughts lead to the same realization that had come in myriad ways - all experience to be just that, anicca.
As soon as I realize this, my body relaxed, with each breath the body could relax, breathe through the knots, let it break loose. Doing yoga it did occur that it was better to just breathe ... long way, need sati first.
It is good merits that people become skillful - memory, inclination, capacity to learn and understand Dhamma.
-Practicing Lay Person
I heard this guy say this quote above this week at the group sit. Pretty ripe, old man. He said that he learnt to live now, just learnt driving a car, and just learnt being mindful – yeah, quite a lot to say in one sentence.
What I kept learning this week (if there is a such thing ‘week’), was to recognize, to see. Earlier if I felt energy I will waste it, if I did not feel it then I will crave it …
To know things to be anicca, anatta, dukkha, to treat stuff as same, ahh to recognize this and still work, truthfully.
You know, I was coming back from work, train of thoughts lead to the same realization that had come in myriad ways - all experience to be just that, anicca.
As soon as I realize this, my body relaxed, with each breath the body could relax, breathe through the knots, let it break loose. Doing yoga it did occur that it was better to just breathe ... long way, need sati first.
It is good merits that people become skillful - memory, inclination, capacity to learn and understand Dhamma.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
Write less, right more :)
Anyhew
Remembrance, drives past me
Sun, the shades, the air seems to live within me, of years gone by
not me, not me anymore
Remembrance, drives past me
Sun, the shades, the air seems to live within me, of years gone by
not me, not me anymore
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Unwrap the Gift
One needs to have appreciation to use the gifts you have. Whether you appreciate your microwave or not, it will still work the same. Alas! Not the same with ‘gifts’.
We need to acknowledge, be aware of our strengths, to bring them out, esp. when you meditate ... notice and look back, love and appreciate. Appreciate is to actually know the finer aspects, like a skilled jeweler who knows his art.
So, as you come to discover the finer aspects of your strengths, or gifts, you begin work optimally, with yourself, with all your being.
Peace
Old Tibetan Saying:
To know thoroughly one's own virtues or powers is characteristic of an excellent man [Tiy 61].
We need to acknowledge, be aware of our strengths, to bring them out, esp. when you meditate ... notice and look back, love and appreciate. Appreciate is to actually know the finer aspects, like a skilled jeweler who knows his art.
So, as you come to discover the finer aspects of your strengths, or gifts, you begin work optimally, with yourself, with all your being.
Peace
Old Tibetan Saying:
To know thoroughly one's own virtues or powers is characteristic of an excellent man [Tiy 61].
Monday, March 28, 2011
To die
How will be my last goodbye
will I rise, will I lie
Will I love, when I die
will I change when I die
Will it be unspeakable
will it be respectable
Will it just be
when I let go of me
will I rise, will I lie
Will I love, when I die
will I change when I die
Will it be unspeakable
will it be respectable
Will it just be
when I let go of me
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Jewellery shopping
Sometimes as you live in the world, but not of it -U get to do a lot of things.
Sighhh
Went jewellery shopping - plain painful.
Sighhh
Went jewellery shopping - plain painful.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
What are you breathing?
Lately have been eating a lot - with all its implied consequences.
There was a time when until two weeks back I could not eat two wraps in a go, now I can easily eat stuff.
However, I turned to think (since fluctuations in eating was not new to me), why is this happening?
There are times when little food energises - why?
Turns out the secret lies with the breath. What am I breathing?
There was a time when until two weeks back I could not eat two wraps in a go, now I can easily eat stuff.
However, I turned to think (since fluctuations in eating was not new to me), why is this happening?
There are times when little food energises - why?
Turns out the secret lies with the breath. What am I breathing?
Charging the Penniless
One who has Dhamma is abundantly rich. There is no price for love, one gives from profusion.
It is gratitude of others that enlivens spread of dhamma-wholesome way of being, that helps spread dhamma.
One can not charge money, from one who is poor, one who is penniless-dhamma to be given free.
Per the vinayana, monks abstain from money -I havent read the rules but I say this from heresay and come to believe this since I now recognize how enriching/fulfilling is dhamma, true simple dhamma.
No one can charge you for showing you dhamma, one can not charge you for dhamma, because the giver gives out of profusion, dhamma is so expansive cant be any charge :)
This is not idealist to think that the givers/vehicles of spreading dhamma need not charge any monetary stuff. The care givers will be taken care of, such is the rule. This is not idealism, this is perfection!
It is gratitude of others that enlivens spread of dhamma-wholesome way of being, that helps spread dhamma.
One can not charge money, from one who is poor, one who is penniless-dhamma to be given free.
Per the vinayana, monks abstain from money -I havent read the rules but I say this from heresay and come to believe this since I now recognize how enriching/fulfilling is dhamma, true simple dhamma.
No one can charge you for showing you dhamma, one can not charge you for dhamma, because the giver gives out of profusion, dhamma is so expansive cant be any charge :)
This is not idealist to think that the givers/vehicles of spreading dhamma need not charge any monetary stuff. The care givers will be taken care of, such is the rule. This is not idealism, this is perfection!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Is it ... is it New
In our search for 'new', we are basically seeking old impulses.
'Old' sensation s that want to be alive again.
Old tracks, patterns, REFRESH
'Old' sensation s that want to be alive again.
Old tracks, patterns, REFRESH
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Honey Tea
Practice brings rich rewards. Of the more mundane but important things - Woke up early , yoga (twenty mins) and breakfast, and as dawn breaks am sitting outside with tulsi(basil) and honey tea, rain drops adding in as I sit outside with tea in my hand - its cold and expansive.
Enjoying the morning, loving, before work - got a regular long day at work.
Do emotions touch you?
Touch is only symbolic here. You will know you are detached when emotions do not 'touch' you
Quicksand
What is it to truly be unbiased and completely loving towards oneself and others – in practical terms?
Sigh! Overtime, many times I tried to completely forgive, the key was in observing the bodily sensations without bias.
I notice that when one is observing the nature of sensation, cognition too undergoes change. It is no longer possible to observe these sensations as ‘pain’ or ‘pleasure’ – these no longer hold as 'constructs'.
Closer to the nature of reality the mind automatically observes sensations as heat, pressure/lightness, and fluidity etc. – four elements.
Do not resist 'pain' or memory of 'pain'
One useful tip that helped me here be unbiased (was strong morality and simplistic view of things)was to not resist . Let it come up and clear off, as you watch it umoved as sensations-mere sensations. Do not deny its occurence trying to create multiple versions of your reality, because the body (or the mind) is in witnessing a state, and the effective way to just be mindful of that state to not be in denial, simultaneously the effective way to not give ‘in’ to that state and not habitually/compulsively act on it is to be detached (kind of tricky). Middle way exactly- yes! Such maginificent proportions of factors in middle way I had never imagined before, as if a middle way between two worlds:)
Quicksan metaphor (Quicksand akin to 'suffering'/woeful state)
Much like quicksand, do not fumble too much in misery, carefully move out of the state. Even as you swim through it to come out giving up resistance is like giving up nervousness and fumbling of being in quicksand. Calm and tranquility assist you to ‘act’ wisely and decision to start making your way instead of just throwing your limbs around undirected, assisted by energy, right actions and hope, you to safe land-Refuge.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wow
My mind is loaded with delusion - and its delightful how am observing it, wading it.
Its difficult and sometimes overwhelms, myriad things, and my head peeps up and out of the water ever so frequently now.
There is a slight undercurrent of amusement, I never faced the familiar delusion with greater humor (if not better 'calm')
Much lv
Its difficult and sometimes overwhelms, myriad things, and my head peeps up and out of the water ever so frequently now.
There is a slight undercurrent of amusement, I never faced the familiar delusion with greater humor (if not better 'calm')
Much lv
Knowing
My status message the past few days:
Knowing spreads like flood, far and wide. And the old river disappears into oblivion.
Current status:
Not seeking comfort, there is ceasing of desire. For the one not seeking comfort, there is no discomfort.
Knowing spreads like flood, far and wide. And the old river disappears into oblivion.
Current status:
Not seeking comfort, there is ceasing of desire. For the one not seeking comfort, there is no discomfort.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Mind Feed
I do not like to feed the mind.
Ignorance feeds the mind.
Denying the feed, keeps the mind lean and clean.
Happy
PS
I try not to feed the mind on thoughts.
Ignorance feeds the mind.
Denying the feed, keeps the mind lean and clean.
Happy
Ignorance feeds the mind.
Denying the feed, keeps the mind lean and clean.
Happy
PS
I try not to feed the mind on thoughts.
Ignorance feeds the mind.
Denying the feed, keeps the mind lean and clean.
Happy
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Song
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To wander alone under the sky
to stop, pause and question the 'why'
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
Sing the sacred song
to not be the singer, but the song
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To not just 'do' here
to 'be' just everywhere
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
Ahh is it this space that they call is love
in the space below, and in space above
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To not listen to the 'want', to not live the call of fear
to just efficiently be, and yet not hold anything dear
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To be , just be, just be
ya to be, just be, just be
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To wander alone under the sky
to stop, pause and question the 'why'
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
Sing the sacred song
to not be the singer, but the song
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To not just 'do' here
to 'be' just everywhere
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
Ahh is it this space that they call is love
in the space below, and in space above
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To not listen to the 'want', to not live the call of fear
to just efficiently be, and yet not hold anything dear
To not go where the call is from
to not be in any place they call 'home'
To be , just be, just be
ya to be, just be, just be
Friday, February 11, 2011
Becoming the Universe
If you dont know meditation, you might have to be a little sympathetic for me to read this post :P
So I start from the middle of somewhere:
This morning as I sat at the tip of the yoga mat, waiting and relaxing before the yoga, my mind began investigating.
Lot of pressing things, yet my mind would choose 'space'
and continue something I begin thinking about during a pee-break at work, as I looked up at nothing as and wondered about 'nothingness'
aware.
Quoting Albert Einstein
A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Now, continuing with the theme of the last couple of posts, nothingness expanse, less defilements (delusion) and back to me sitting at the edge of yoga mat. Sitting and exploring.
When there are little defilements, there no 'bends', the mind becomes expansive.
So I start from the middle of somewhere:
This morning as I sat at the tip of the yoga mat, waiting and relaxing before the yoga, my mind began investigating.
Lot of pressing things, yet my mind would choose 'space'
and continue something I begin thinking about during a pee-break at work, as I looked up at nothing as and wondered about 'nothingness'
aware.
Quoting Albert Einstein
A human being is a part of a whole, called by us 'universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Now, continuing with the theme of the last couple of posts, nothingness expanse, less defilements (delusion) and back to me sitting at the edge of yoga mat. Sitting and exploring.
When there are little defilements, there no 'bends', the mind becomes expansive.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Morality Sets You Free
I do not seem to find sufficient emphasis on morality in the practice. Many people feel shy of speaking about 'morality'. May be they fear they will sound conventional and rigid if they talk about morality.
Morality is a new fad.
It has been an old conventional history where people lie, kill, cheat and deceive. An old view of the world, where we do not 'trust' others, not even ourselves.
Unfortunately, it seems uncommon to love with dignity (people find a lot of 'pride' in restraining and cutting off relationships, sometimes that is the only way they know to maintain their 'dignity').
Loving is the simpler way:)
It is a journey of understanding, and putting to practice the loving kindness that is possible when one intends no harm. One practices with discretion; knowing and differentiating between acts that are harmful to oneself (and others), and acts (of mind, body and speech) that are beneficial for oneself (and thus, others).
At this point, I do not find it surprising that in the chant for metta, they have included a stanza that mention “may no one deceive another …”.
It is only when we practice the precepts (i.e. do not lie - nah, not even to ourselves) that the journey begins, and it is with the Truth that the suffering ends.
Defilements, as they deplete, the Samadhi become deeper and stronger.
More capable of meditative effort, of meditative concentration seeping in daily activities – in each activity. One becomes a beautiful translation of meditation, performing each activity with a base of a loving heart. Becoming honest in work and ethical. Abiding by the universal laws of dhamma: practicing right speech, right livelihood, giving dana, committed, sincere and caring for one's family.
Defilements deplete when one can ‘work’ with them and get rid of them by not giving in to old habit patterns in our daily activities. Step by step, meeting the same moment with a different 'mind' with each breath, renewed, meet again:)
A more ‘aware’ mind, a better, more loving and healthier mind. Every moment mind keeps coming out of ‘patterns’ and constructs when we enter each moment with the practice of Samadhi*-
In each activity the same kind of purity and calm (state of mind/concentration) as one is capable of when in ‘sitting meditation, strong practice.
I made mistakes. Time to love yourself even more. Wake up, get up, dust yourself if need be and apply understanding again. Renew morality - it works!
*Samadhi in Vipassana is a very aware state. A tranquil mind with elements of joy and penetrating deep awareness.
Morality is a new fad.
It has been an old conventional history where people lie, kill, cheat and deceive. An old view of the world, where we do not 'trust' others, not even ourselves.
Unfortunately, it seems uncommon to love with dignity (people find a lot of 'pride' in restraining and cutting off relationships, sometimes that is the only way they know to maintain their 'dignity').
Loving is the simpler way:)
It is a journey of understanding, and putting to practice the loving kindness that is possible when one intends no harm. One practices with discretion; knowing and differentiating between acts that are harmful to oneself (and others), and acts (of mind, body and speech) that are beneficial for oneself (and thus, others).
At this point, I do not find it surprising that in the chant for metta, they have included a stanza that mention “may no one deceive another …”.
It is only when we practice the precepts (i.e. do not lie - nah, not even to ourselves) that the journey begins, and it is with the Truth that the suffering ends.
Defilements, as they deplete, the Samadhi become deeper and stronger.
More capable of meditative effort, of meditative concentration seeping in daily activities – in each activity. One becomes a beautiful translation of meditation, performing each activity with a base of a loving heart. Becoming honest in work and ethical. Abiding by the universal laws of dhamma: practicing right speech, right livelihood, giving dana, committed, sincere and caring for one's family.
Defilements deplete when one can ‘work’ with them and get rid of them by not giving in to old habit patterns in our daily activities. Step by step, meeting the same moment with a different 'mind' with each breath, renewed, meet again:)
A more ‘aware’ mind, a better, more loving and healthier mind. Every moment mind keeps coming out of ‘patterns’ and constructs when we enter each moment with the practice of Samadhi*-
In each activity the same kind of purity and calm (state of mind/concentration) as one is capable of when in ‘sitting meditation, strong practice.
I made mistakes. Time to love yourself even more. Wake up, get up, dust yourself if need be and apply understanding again. Renew morality - it works!
*Samadhi in Vipassana is a very aware state. A tranquil mind with elements of joy and penetrating deep awareness.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Tough Women
There are a few things one feels one can not get enough of. Like attention.
:)
Learning and shedding weight of delusion, I discover scope for so much more learning. (Glad to discover this at each juncture.)
Problems become pointers, and as I leave my old-self, I feel better
to not be deluded anymore, to not 'want' anymore. To not be a 'woman' anymore.
I do not seem to be relating to the gaze of men, to the slights and the praise, to the attention and the passion, as if none of these things are of central concern. I can talk to people without feeling much about their gender. Had been such for a very long time, but as one practices one needs to be mindful of the 'matter'.
I am surprised how I was such a naive, ignoramus, and deluded!
When did my conceit regarding 'gender' leave me?? ... it left such a big hole behind, and a breath of fresh air ;)
:)
Learning and shedding weight of delusion, I discover scope for so much more learning. (Glad to discover this at each juncture.)
Problems become pointers, and as I leave my old-self, I feel better
to not be deluded anymore, to not 'want' anymore. To not be a 'woman' anymore.
I do not seem to be relating to the gaze of men, to the slights and the praise, to the attention and the passion, as if none of these things are of central concern. I can talk to people without feeling much about their gender. Had been such for a very long time, but as one practices one needs to be mindful of the 'matter'.
I am surprised how I was such a naive, ignoramus, and deluded!
When did my conceit regarding 'gender' leave me?? ... it left such a big hole behind, and a breath of fresh air ;)
Thursday, January 20, 2011
In the End
Just read someone’s blog, and drew on my fake repository of ‘faith’ and ‘energy’ to write this down.
I call it a fake repository, because nothing is actually there. No energy enthusiasm is there until my minds 'makes' it up - give it the direction u see
Lol
I was seeing thus:
In the end (death) nothing remains, if there is nothing in the process ‘now’, if you are knowing now and giving way to old habit patterns to come and go silently, weakening the defilements of the mind each time I don’t indulge greed, pain or passion
Today for a few minutes my mind was distracted, I saw how defilements had become my state of mind. I looked at these thoughts and felt very strange, this strong defilement - eh this is not 'me' :) eh? and let it fizzle and pass by, back to peace and clarity and further path
Looking back, how far I have come! From a mind that was constantly in turmoil, to this mind, that ‘feels’ it, if a defilement arises
A no mind is no fear-even in the end, there is nothing to cling or fear
I call it a fake repository, because nothing is actually there. No energy enthusiasm is there until my minds 'makes' it up - give it the direction u see
Lol
I was seeing thus:
In the end (death) nothing remains, if there is nothing in the process ‘now’, if you are knowing now and giving way to old habit patterns to come and go silently, weakening the defilements of the mind each time I don’t indulge greed, pain or passion
Today for a few minutes my mind was distracted, I saw how defilements had become my state of mind. I looked at these thoughts and felt very strange, this strong defilement - eh this is not 'me' :) eh? and let it fizzle and pass by, back to peace and clarity and further path
Looking back, how far I have come! From a mind that was constantly in turmoil, to this mind, that ‘feels’ it, if a defilement arises
A no mind is no fear-even in the end, there is nothing to cling or fear
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Older Versions of 'Peace'
So Truth is nature, nature is manifested, yet what is obvious escapes us blah blah
What I would like to share is that we understand the same stuff in greater depth when we actually sit still for elongated time, piercing the shooting pain in the knees and tie down the thought rider-the mind
This one is about peace, what I thought then and Now
Peace I thought was 'calmness', I now understand it as 'detachment'
Peace I thought was 'happiness', I now understand it as 'wisdom'
Peace I understood as a wholesome 'quality', I know understand it as an 'Outcome'
What I would like to share is that we understand the same stuff in greater depth when we actually sit still for elongated time, piercing the shooting pain in the knees and tie down the thought rider-the mind
This one is about peace, what I thought then and Now
Peace I thought was 'calmness', I now understand it as 'detachment'
Peace I thought was 'happiness', I now understand it as 'wisdom'
Peace I understood as a wholesome 'quality', I know understand it as an 'Outcome'
Friday, January 7, 2011
Not in Things
When mind settles in
settles in and of itself
Overlooking things
from above
Gratitude
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=158AWXhDdZI&feature=related
settles in and of itself
Overlooking things
from above
Gratitude
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=158AWXhDdZI&feature=related
For Bruce
Dance is the mystic,
or is mystic the dance?
Wonder and wish ...
but dont think enlightenment is by chance!
Sing a song, if the song takes you there,
song becomes a song, when the 'self' is not there!
The mystic of now, the mystics of lore
mystic of future ...mystics from before
Not knowing each other ...
they knew the same thing!
For the one gone forth (Bruce, my friend)
the heart does sing :)
Bruce lives in North Carolina, a dear friend. Today I was inspired to write something down and somehow, I wanted to dedicate it to a friend I havent met in my life.
One of the traits you will notice while developing metta is that you will feel outbursts of joys, even for strangers, new people, people you havent met...I havent met Bruce. But I have read about this fellow traveller.
Popular Metta Expression in English and Pali (for directing thoughts)
This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
... Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Karaṇīyam-
atthakusalena yaṃ
taṃ santaṃ padaṃ abhisamecca
... Sukhino vā khemino hontu
sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,
Ye keci pāṇa bhūtatthi
tasā vā thāvarā vā anavasesā
Dīghā vā ye mahantā vā
majjhamā rassakāṇukathūlā
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born —
May all beings be at ease!
Diṭṭhā vā yeva addiṭṭhā
ye ca dūre vasanti avidūre
Bhūtā vā sambhavesī vā
sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Na paro paraṃ nikubbetha
nātimaññetha katthaci naṃ kañci
Byārosanā paṭighasaññā
nāññamaññassa dukkhamiccheyya
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;
Mātā yathā niyaṃ puttaṃ āyusā
ekaputtamanurakkhe
Evampi sabbabhūtesū
mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimānaṃ
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Mettaṃ ca sabbalokasmiṃ
mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimānaṃ
Uddhaṃ adho ca tiriyañca
asambādhaṃ
averaṃ asapattaṃ
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding....[40]
Tiṭṭhaṃ caraṃ nisinno vā sayāno
vā yāvatassa vigatamiddho
Etaṃ satiṃ adhiṭṭheyya
brahmametaṃ vihāraṃ idhamāhu....[41]
or is mystic the dance?
Wonder and wish ...
but dont think enlightenment is by chance!
Sing a song, if the song takes you there,
song becomes a song, when the 'self' is not there!
The mystic of now, the mystics of lore
mystic of future ...mystics from before
Not knowing each other ...
they knew the same thing!
For the one gone forth (Bruce, my friend)
the heart does sing :)
Bruce lives in North Carolina, a dear friend. Today I was inspired to write something down and somehow, I wanted to dedicate it to a friend I havent met in my life.
One of the traits you will notice while developing metta is that you will feel outbursts of joys, even for strangers, new people, people you havent met...I havent met Bruce. But I have read about this fellow traveller.
Popular Metta Expression in English and Pali (for directing thoughts)
This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:
... Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.
Karaṇīyam-
atthakusalena yaṃ
taṃ santaṃ padaṃ abhisamecca
... Sukhino vā khemino hontu
sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty,
medium, short or small,
Ye keci pāṇa bhūtatthi
tasā vā thāvarā vā anavasesā
Dīghā vā ye mahantā vā
majjhamā rassakāṇukathūlā
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born —
May all beings be at ease!
Diṭṭhā vā yeva addiṭṭhā
ye ca dūre vasanti avidūre
Bhūtā vā sambhavesī vā
sabbe sattā bhavantu sukhitattā
Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.
Na paro paraṃ nikubbetha
nātimaññetha katthaci naṃ kañci
Byārosanā paṭighasaññā
nāññamaññassa dukkhamiccheyya
Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings;
Mātā yathā niyaṃ puttaṃ āyusā
ekaputtamanurakkhe
Evampi sabbabhūtesū
mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimānaṃ
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.
Mettaṃ ca sabbalokasmiṃ
mānasaṃ bhāvaye aparimānaṃ
Uddhaṃ adho ca tiriyañca
asambādhaṃ
averaṃ asapattaṃ
Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding....[40]
Tiṭṭhaṃ caraṃ nisinno vā sayāno
vā yāvatassa vigatamiddho
Etaṃ satiṃ adhiṭṭheyya
brahmametaṃ vihāraṃ idhamāhu....[41]
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Inhaling Wisdom
I had one of those Duh! moments. Superficially I might smile about it, but internally speaking I am still feeling like I am one step away from safety, walking on a tight rope. Thats probably why I am writing this -keep it to the fore, not to trample this beautiful insight or 'thought' with other mundane realizations.
Benefits and motive of meditations is a usual theme, mind trying to justify and be on track.
With meditative detachment and goodness it is easy to win friends, take over and turn around loss making projects, and stupid manuscripts. Its good to learn to mediate when you are young, so that instead of retaining regrets with growing experiences, you actually use this experience, the time you have (you seem to have ample of it when you are young) to refine your fortitude and morality ... and similar stuff. Then
Duh!
Meditation is actually meant for something larger. Look at the monk, letting go, letting go each moment. S/he is using each moment as s/he progresses towards death in not assimilation (of material things, beautiful wife, brilliant kids), but in letting go.
How stupid will it be, to learn meditation and still be bent on accumulation?
Benefits and motive of meditations is a usual theme, mind trying to justify and be on track.
With meditative detachment and goodness it is easy to win friends, take over and turn around loss making projects, and stupid manuscripts. Its good to learn to mediate when you are young, so that instead of retaining regrets with growing experiences, you actually use this experience, the time you have (you seem to have ample of it when you are young) to refine your fortitude and morality ... and similar stuff. Then
Duh!
Meditation is actually meant for something larger. Look at the monk, letting go, letting go each moment. S/he is using each moment as s/he progresses towards death in not assimilation (of material things, beautiful wife, brilliant kids), but in letting go.
How stupid will it be, to learn meditation and still be bent on accumulation?
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