What about it?

What you come to know in meditation is usually no different from the facts you already know about. Sometimes, you already 'know' about what you are going to realise. What is different is the intensity, the quality of knowing.

Quality of knowing (difference between the knowing of an inventor, and of the person who copies the formula and applies it in the laboratory to testify results) is one aspect of knowing that is usually not generally recognised, at least not in the same way it is recognised/required in meditation, u know. In schools though each talented teacher would appreciate and inculcate a better quality of knowing, a better/living appreciation of the same facts in the pupil ... but the field is too vast to begin with in context of meditation. In meditation one needs a dynamic mind, a persistent and objective mind. A mind predisposed to be free from biases, at least an inclination for it. An open mind-a quality that is helped from a loving empathetic attitude, from being positive and not selfish. All these things help.

Meditation makes all the difference between intellectual word play, and actual experiential understanding. One does not get actual experiential understanding of the mystic concepts as the immediate step from the intellectual induction. One progresses slowly on this path, from intellect to experiential understanding, until one begins to advance.

So even if you 'know', see if you can 'apply'

You will find yourself revisiting facts, you will look at same things differently, as if not just with greater depth, but greater vastness, with vision and clarity of detachment. Things bereft of essence, wisdom of non-self

Holocaust

Something made me think of Danger(as a challenge, not as a thing to turn the mind blue), and Shell(protective) at the same time.

Death of a monk is possible. It is as possible as an average lay man's, in circumstance that may lead to death. Danger for a monk is possible too, sometimes monks are externally even more exposed to danger. Then what is the difference between a monk and a lay man?

Monk may have a shell. Lay man will have nothing, but the set of circumstance.

Monk can pause.

Monk is prepared, in fact s/he has been preparing all the time.

Where is the Love?

She got cellulitis, severe. Spread rapidly by the second day ended.
I took her to the doc. Hm, he identified that it was not a simple infected wound but Cellultis. Gave intravenous antibiotics and dressed the wound, indifferently. I came back and checked the symptoms and looked up the medicines on the web and felt satisfied with the doctor’s diagnosis.

Now the wound kept getting worse. I asked my grandmom, “Dear, do you like the doctor?” She shook her head. So on the third day we went to another doc. He did a minor surgery, just in time.

The wound and the swelling receded. And then today it started swelling again. I had by now read so much about cellulitis … I called the doc who wasn’t available. Within a few hours I knew it will get much worse. I opened the bandage and cleaned the wound … I found the skin around the wound had turned all black and I gently massaged the skin, and then the whole foot. I kept speaking kind words and suddenly I notice that after an hour of massage the skin is healthy and grandmother who was crying with pain was now smiling.

The skin that had a dead bluish hue, now seemed perfectly good brown. I think we feel more alive when someone we love lends us a touch. I kept up touching her lovingly. Soon the swelling was gone, for the first time in ten days.

To heal we ought to feel loved.

Special Dream

I dream of this since I was a child. Since I was 7 or so.

We used to live in a big open house. In my first dream I took off from the big patio, learning to float/fly/travel in air naturally, like learning to walk. What induced this flight was a state of concentration, and an explicit desire to fly (like you 'will' to raise your hand and are able to do it). The problem was I couldnt enjoy the view outside as I had to keep observing the sensations inside to maintain the concentration. Better the concentration, better was my control over steering and even maintaining the flight. I learnt to do this.
I had to learn to identify what held the concentration, what kept my mind aware, agile and light, to keep me attuned to flight and give better control over the flight. As an amateur, initially it seemed to happen on its own, and flight was awkward. Then the mechanism ... I discover there is a mechanism. After some years I begin to feel more confident and take off like a confident hang glider getting good currents, but sometimes I would be too off-tuned to concentrate, the mind had to be clear and concentrated for a good flight and it seemed to have some pre-conditions to concentrate (not aware precisely what though).

I had to learn able to identify and hold on to the right state of concentration: it was not a deep or sleeping sort of concentration, rather something agile and active, clear and pure at the same time - yet concentrated! It was usually difficult to keep the mind pure and not too excited, or too dull!

I later saw the recurrent dream was always from the current place of residence, wherever my house was at that point of time. The ability to concentrate and relating that to flight was the common theme. The interesting thing was these seemed like very true experiences, now when I remember them, and for the first time identify it as recurrent dream-state, for the first time I remember a recurrent dream over twenty years in a full state of wakefulness!

Thanks

For the warm embrace and sweet protection
and for all the things I knew to ask for, and more

For loving me and inspiring me
for giving me freedom - to make my own mistakes, and learn

For showing me the adventure
for giving me valor, passion, and perseverance

For the nights and sunny days
for beautiful nature, so uniform in its laws...

I so much love and admire dhamma
there are oceans, yet to cross, but right now, there is gratitude!!

Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations

Context: Meditators have access to feeling more than what the normal comprehension allows. They use perhaps a greater capacity of the brain. This article is perhaps relevant to someone who has spent more than a thousand hours in meditation, or someone who is exceptionally good at concentration and has travelled great distances in some lucid moments.

*Here is a conservative estimate of the time I have been able to meditate over the last eight years: 7,071 hours of meditation till end of this month. See details in the footnote below.

Compared to the real time estimates one has, to experience tangible results into the nature of reality in the laboratory of the world, my close to seven thousand hours of meditation is a tiny speck. Human life is comparatively very small, even if one is not given to the race of consumption that is so prevalent in today’s times.

Also, meditation as understood by me, is not a course in magic. Nor in healing - mental or physical. It is about gaining insight. Insight in to the ‘ordinary’ nature of reality.

So, the infant I am in the world of meditation, whatever I say would still be incomplete. I record the incomplete perception for the benefit of those who are on the path like me. It is like I have set off on foot-journey to New york from New Delhi and describing what the path seems to me like in my small segment of the world.

As you might have understood by now, one sitting in an attempt to understand the true nature of reality wont get you there! One hour, one week, one month or probably even one year wont be enough. Though when it will happen eventually, that would of course be one sitting, Buddha sat for seven days seven nights as his last 'sitting' and had spent not just years but countless aeons as a meditator in innumearble lifetimes, before he could 'teach'

You will uncover the vastness and the expanse of this knowledge as you develop the patience to start deciphering, its good to know these estimates anyway. It is more difficult than getting admission in to the top university and gaining a doctorate, much more intensive; require more sustained effort and discipline. And difficulty is the same whatever age you are. Results come at each step, as you progress
.
Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations

Knowing and Feeling:
To understand this concept I will have to give a non-direct example, to assist you. You may start reading the example, or just directly read the ‘concept’.

Example:One-Step Removed
Imagine yourself witnessing a forest fire from within a fire-proof temp. controlled ball. From your past experiences (say conditioning) you know fire is ‘hot’ and it ‘burns’ etc. Lets imagine for a moment you have no past experiences and no conditioning. So here just the visual cortex experience is knowing of the ‘eye’, images
Now suppose that the ball that was all transparent is now black with smoke. You have no access to light and it is all dark. Imagine a small window in this great big ball, open it. You smell the burning leaves, wood, etc. Sense of smell. You may/may not relate this smell to earlier visual experience-knowing. Or even establish a connection between the two if you are smart. A relation may be established by the mind here - between the visual and olfactory.
Now label all this experience as Knowing.

Knowing is one step removed from feeling.
Feeling is actually standing in the fire without the ball, in the burning ever-changing forest. Actually getting the burns and Feeling

So Knowing is one step removed from Feeling


Another, more sober but less accurate example could be witnessing the ocean from a big ball inside the ocean. You know but are witnessing from inside the ball. Now to ‘feel’ actually plunge into the ocean with your mask as a deep sea diver.

Explore the layers of perception, the boundaries of ‘feeling’ and knowing…think of subtelities and more layers between feeling and knowing in these examples

Core Concept: Dhamma Nature of Bodily Sensations
Dhamma nature of any experience is neither pleasant nor unpleasant, there is only knowing without a sense of self.
One starts with becoming mindful, of each moment, each moment the body (as it is connected to the mind seamlessly) sends hundreds and thousands of tiny transmissions as 'sensations' to the mind. With concentration mind becomes sharp enough and develops this capacity to be mindful of sensations throughout the body* (see note 2 below)
One 'feels' each of these thousands of sensation-separately. Body seems to lose solidity at this stage.
Body seems only a constituent of sensations, sensations arising and passing with great rapitidity. Then one starts penetrating even this ... witnessing these sensations one reaches bare knowing over long sittings arousing mindfulness and concentration, and awareness towards these bodily sensations that are attuned to the 'states of mind'. In deeper states of concentration and equanimity after due practice there is shift in the experience from 'feeling' to knowing.
Over constant periods of thorough mindfulness the deep-rooted perceptions in the mind start undergoing change, old conditioning die. And each experience becomes ‘bare’ experience. In bare experience one can understand the true nature of reality, that is now not bound by a sense of self, when there is only knowing. Such knowing has a thorough cleansing effect on the mind, mind becomes like a clear mirror, knowing neither pain nor pleasure, nor sickness nor disease, nor hunger nor thirst, for these are functions of the body. Mind is one step removed. It is right there, but does the job of knowing, not feeling.
#Bodily activities of eating working and sleeping remain as normal.

Feeling is a sense of self, the I. Without this I, there is only ‘knowing’.











*Note 1: 88 days of meditation over several retreats in residential monastry retreats. Ten hours daily (880 hours)
40 days volunteer in meditation retreats seva (240 hours)

Daily Practice
2002 Oct.14-dec 3 2 hours: 228
2003Year one: 3 hours each day (365*3=1095)
2004Year 2: 2.5 hour each day (366*2.5= 915
2005Year 3: 20 minutes average, wasn’t regular so m taking 20 mintues, I usually dont sit for less than an hour ( 109.8
2006Years 4: 20 minutes (109.8
2007Year 5: 2 hours ( 730
2008Year 6: 1.5 hours (366*1.5=549
2009Year 7: 3 hours (1095
2010Year 8: 4 hours (11 months) 1336

#Am not counting moments of mindfulness that last throughout the day on 'good' days and throughout the night on 'mindful sleep nights' that is more often the norm now-actually a sign of progress

Note 2: To develop this capacity to concentrate, it is advisable you go for a residential retreat where you can work with the right instructions under an able teacher. I suggest a Vipassana course from any of the centers here: http://www.dhamma.org/ Like many others I developed this capacity on the fourth day of the residential retreat. Had never meditated before. Since then, I have been practicing, further and further.

Silly Quiz

Have you taken one of those dancing girl (right-left brain) tests? I could never turn her both ways. Recently I see I could easily do new things, I didnt hv to try.

I was heavily right-brained (and pretty proud of it), but look at this now, looks like I use more of my mind eh? I have a smirk on my face right now.

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others. Left Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain Dominance: (16) Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Learning to Sit, Dissolve and Balance

Learning to sit and experience 'sitting' (and that only)

Learning to breathe and being aware

...taking the breath, feeling it in each part of the body

learning dissolution (that happens on its own), so 'experiencing dissolution' would be more apt

Permeating the body with this feeling of lightness, breaking down

Opening up the pores, clearing the tension, more flexible (at least until u build more tension, and tirelessly work on it again ... so much so that deep-rooted habit patterns in the mind start changing, you start changing towards fear, plight, all those things)

making deliberation to be more relaxed, clear aware, more concentrated

fresh waves of dissolution, even finer

Learning to open the eyes

Coming back to real dimension where hands move and follow physical rules (of course 'as intended' by the 'mind :), where there is solidity and one gets burns if one touches hot oil

Learning to balance

You sit straight, learn to sit, stand, walk again, with balance, more upright, healthier!


But all this is not wonderful. The most significant learning is to experience with Right View (experiencing non-self). real change happens when you do that, experience fully, you will know these moments for these are like none other:)

Hint: detachment is a very powerful and natural outcome in such moments


Right View is under: 4. Phase of Cultivation

Fabula

Soul Food

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This is the plate I have been eating from since around three years. Now the plate reminds me to be reflective:)

When eating monks do not let themselves be consumed by thoughts of food, they eat while reflecting on the sides of the bowl while eating.
Instead of the taste, they are aware of the sensations of the food on the lips, mouth, tongue (and in some cases the whole body, yes, food affects each cell immediately in the body).

Touching food, lifting, chewing ... I usually feel it in the whole body ... the type of food (spicy, soothing, cool, nourishing, akin, acidic) is reflected by the sensations on not only the tongue but the whole body. Greasy food sometimes make me dull and light food makes it easy to practice continuously.

After reflecting thus while eating, I usually reflect on the empty plate. I do not rush after eating. Take out at least a second or two to acknowledge I am full, and from the satisfaction derived from the food, the healthy nutrition ... may all being partake in my satisfaction, may all be happy!

Even a sip of juice rings in each cell, if taken on empty stomach. I usually witness the 'greed' I feel when I am eating ... also I become aggressive, I dont want to be disturbed when eating, and I am impatient and usually easily angered if someone makes me talk or gossips while eating. Aggression while eating is sort of primitive I guess:P

I like the kind of food I had for lunch today.
Ingredients:
Boiled Rice (salted).
I stirred some fresh carrots, beans, tomatoes, coriander leaves, bits of ginger, mustard seeds (in cooking oil, steamed it and added boiled rice. Ready to eat veggie rice;)
Curd on the side (with boondi, cucumber pieces, rock salt for seasoning).
No chillies or sauce.

hmm talking of food. I followed the eight precepts for a year. It is difficult for family to see me go without food after noon, now I sometimes have snack/fruit around evening. Not having dinner has made life simpler. Makes time for meditation.

Breaking the Music

This is not breaking in ... this is breaking up

Say, a relationship, when it breaks up u are left with fragments. You revisit events: this was happy, this was furious, this was mad, this was good...u break it up even in your head in more ways than one.

What makes you look back and wonder anew, to know things you didnt know when you were in it, from fragments?


Ask a meditator, and almost all of them will answer this perfectly:)


when fragments become new wholes. Like breaking up a car to door, car seat, gear, engine parts...

Once you break up the 'situation' there is no whole, each fragment becomes tangible and u 'identify'- happy, furious, mad, u break it down. When meditating you do the same thing in the situation, when living the relationship with yourself, each moment. YOu look at it with detachment, in each moment, mindfully. You come out of the illusionary lull of 'continuity'. And the illusion of 'self' breaks up, only fragments remain. It is a strong meditation/physics concept-there is no whole, only fragments/constituents.

Listening to Enya yesterday when I thought I couldnt like her more ... the situation started to break up, in to fragments, music the spell was lost and I begin to hear only sounds, as if with space in between sounds ( there seemed to be clear space between sounds and if in the same time, time slowed down or u begin to see fragments and notice the small nano pauses/breaks under a microscope). Remember how accurately u remember details of strong experiences, like a car accident, recollecting things u didnt know u noticed. Suddenly your mind is concentrated in the moment (its sad though most people need very strong experiences like that to be in the present) I could still recognise its music, Enya's, but the music was lost in sounds now, I no longer looked at it as whole nor was absorbed by it. The spell was gone and with that the like for the music, and the desire to keep listening. There were just sounds and spaces between them. As if the experience was complete (in the present) and no need to go over the track again.

This wasnt the first time the break up happened. I earlier felt this only in strong experiences, when facing a great physical threat, or when I was on my edge not able to tolerate the confusion of the situation. Everyone feels it at some point, meditators can really understand the situation. These people, when logical and good, can keep their cool in any situation, like heroes. (But the significance of being cool for meditators is for a greater purpose, to understand 'reality'.) They pack every moment we call 'normal with this significance, nothing remains dull or 'not dull'

You dont come back as the same person, relatively, after the break up.
Imagine the stregth of people, ability to experience, of some people who are in the present, each moment. They overcome pain, delusion, hatred, passion, anger ... from knowing how to experience things. Meditation is skillfully experiencing things. Learning to do that.

Lv u Buddha, for being so wise!

Black Spots

My black spots:

I am lazy
I am impulsive
I hv a greater share of delusion, applying my head for constructive reasoning becomes very difficult for me, esp. for things I lack and need to improve upon
I fear, very subtle fear, I fear a lot
I am attached to self, lazy to let go


For now. Slept for long, woke up n slept again. Pure awesome lazy.

Next Best Enemy: Sleep

I remember wasting not just hours, but days together in sleep. Hopeless and dejected, I would just sleep.

Not more than four hours now.

Am I Lucky?

Someone said this to me:

...That's cause you need to learn to listen to inside sounds - find the beautiful harmonics inside and focus on just one - they are all portals - just like the breath gives you a space from the outside, so too can u listen inside and before u know it - you might disappearCould no go further - yet


Lv n breath