The load thats shedding off me today, and started shedding with the 'Keeping the purity' post, was something that was with me for quite some time. ... since I was born it was like a cloud, like not literally, just a hazy sadness. Now that I am doing maths I remember so many instances, at least since high school, when I just couldnt take on numbers, there was no joy in it. Particularly a problem with concentration. Sadness overtook. This sadness literally stopped me from doing things, made me lazy, I was sad all the time, even when I smiled!
With morality, integrity, the spasm eases. Even if it has been there for so long that u cant remember, even then, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
With breathing it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
With equanimity towards vibrations/feelings on the body/mind it eases the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...
With concentration and mindfulness it eases, the spasm losens up, a strain is a strain, and there is no reason u cant let go ..
...
The catalyst to concentration has been the ability to replace thoughts of anxiety, and sadness with thoughts of metta. Very real, it could result in a very big difference in my material goals, spiritual it already has...and its only begun!
