It is not easy

It is not easy to see the pain, the kids suffering on streets everyday ...

Dissolving

From Sarnath to Bodh Gaya

Dont know what and how much to write here. How much can be shared...

Right now near the Bodhi tree. We are spending five days here - or rather nights. Yesterday me and Olga (travel partner fellow meditator) spent the entire night meditating under the Bodhi tree. We walked back to our quarters at around 4 in the morning ... slept soon after and woke up in a few hours at 9 am completely rested. Olga has gone to the room to catch some rest now as I am sitting here writing this post – its 6 pm.

I feel quite good with her, money is of least concern between us and we frequently lose track of who paid for what :)

Today we spent some time walking in the local market as I wanted to buy fresh milk, fresh veggies and fresh bread instead of going to some eatery ... we got back to the room and had a good salad, fresh Tibetan bread, hot chocolate from the cow milk we were lucky enough to get. Going local turned out to be a super idea to save our guts from spice!

Going to soak almonds and soak chickpea for sprouts and have that for breakfast. I increasingly prefer cheap over expensive, and there are reasons - if you go to a cheap eatery chances are you will be served quickly, you walk out quickly and save time, food will be fresh and usually I ask them to cook in a particular way and it is easier to get it done in a smaller joint ... I feel safer in trains and public transport after bad experience with hired drivers hallucinating after lack of sleep, or drivers just trying to help us realize that we are single women daring to travel alone in Bihar.

It is great to stay in a Tibetan monastery and wake up with chanting and gongs, far better than a plush hotel with creature comforts.

I know am losing a lot of constructs, I could sit with street kids in the park surrounding the stupa marking the place where Buddha gave his first discourse and talk for hours and sip tea from the same cup ... ... I even washed the public bathroom in the Tibetan monastry before I used it. Funny part is it only occurred to me later that instead of taking all the trouble I could have paid someone to clean it! I saw the monks were cleaning the toilets and were not using soap, I simply went to my room, got lots of soap and scrubbed the toilets and bathrooms tiles till it was squeaky clean; then took a shower in cold water, and walked out with Olga for breakfast.

Numerous little things

Everybody began to recognize us n the small town of Sarnath - peculiar pair - an Indian and Western girl looking very peaceful waking past the streets ... not into rites and rituals but just with the ability to sit motionless for hours near the holy sites :)

People would smile as we would walk past in the small town J

Olga was a complete stranger before I met her for this trip at the meditation center, and we will soon be parting ways

Ja

On Pilgrimage

Just discovered I carried the wrong ATM card, little cash.
Traveling further with a girl from Lithuania, she knows all the right places to stay in, and cheap :P

Will go back to make a small donation at the meditation center I just completed a 20 day silent retreat in - most precious 20 days of my life. Would not exchange it for 20 years in heaven - if someone makes an offer than is he he.

Will be gone to Sarnath, Bodh Gaya, Rajgiri and then possibly to Nepal (Lumbini).

I love you, may you be happy.


Peace

Letter to Meditator: Embrace

Revoked my decision to stay put in the lower hills.

Traveled further, and further up in the mountains till I saw horses roaming free, still lakes on mountain tops …

Sometimes we have to sit still, as the change happens all around and within us.

I was embraced by the mountains, plan didn’t go as I had charted – never does!

Fell sick, for a while - air is too clean. Pic of landing site today after I was in air for a few hours paragliding!

Lovely sunny day, as I sat alone perched 2000 m in Dhauladhar mountain range, heavy mist surrounded us for a while before we took off again hopping from mountain to mountain, I felt I had never felt more connected to Earth like that ...

Not writing much, slow connection, not much to write anyway

Metta

Had nothing to write about since my trip to Gaya, held it in my heart I guess - Gaya.


Until today I rolled down the hill - steep walk for about 20 minutes to bring me from the small village am staying in (Dhammakot) to Dalai Lama’s palace in McLeod Ganj. He was teaching there today, saw him, heard him, and chanted with him. He was surrounded by monks in robes, Tibetans young and old. I also met my old self there, from many years back, sitting in the same setting when I didn’t know Tibetan texts, didn’t know their mantras, and did not know myself much. Meditating in much the same way, without the ritual.

Once at Potala Palace, I obeyed rules! Did not even carry camera and mobile, as requested, left it in a pen stand in a nearby café and picked it on my way back – did not get to see the owner of the café but knew from previous experience that you can just leave things there…

Am going to stay put here, not going to travel any further whole of this week. Locals are just awesome and I think I think am safe in a single room hanging out on to the valley overlooking a jungle :D

Donated to monks (old wish, had been hoping for such an opportunity and felt lucky). Bought some CDs I could find earlier, will be joining group sittings twice daily and practice Yoga whole of this week, as the rest burst crackers and pollute the air.

(Away)

Letter to the Meditator: Sit Under the Bodhi Tree

As your concentration will deepen, your understanding of dhamma will deepen. As the understanding of dhamma will deepen, it will help you understand and identify deeper states of concentration, you will be more adept and skillful with concentration-samma samadhi.

Some sittings will be very very tough, may not be physically only, but also morally and mentally. You will learn to shield yourself, and wade through – impermanence is self-evident when you observe arising and passing of sensations, the sense of ‘anatta’/'not me' will also start oozing each time you sit. I sat down in the office crèche for meditation for an hour, initially sensations of cold and goose bumps (from the air cooling), then as I usually sit at home I felt I was sitting at home, then I forgot even that, mere sensations, when I got up from the sitting in exactly one hour, and moved back to my office chair, I carried a strong sense of anatta- this sensation is ‘not me’. So look, we cant predict our progress, when will an insight come and catch you unawares ;) We can only keep working. So, keep working.

I am back from a few hours sit under the bodhi tree, went last weekend. Could not still bring myself to write this post immediately after coming back, there is very little I can share about the experience. It was disrupting at first and caught me unaware, I took some time before I could calm myself down and really ‘sit’. Brought a deeper, more profound understanding of dhamma as I sat under the tree, amidst a crowd of wayfarers and an occasional meditator. I think something deep happened there, as even in my dreams I saw Buddha for a day or two after that, sensing dhamma in his presence, as if he was here teaching what is samatha.

May you be happy, may you be liberated.


Metta

What remains?

Problem was that this was my song, this was my life, this was my mistake, or this was my house.
And as you go further, you can map yourself by what is not left of ‘me’.
The world wont change, you would.