Working with Passion and Desire - 1

The journey of working with passion and desire is a gradual and intricate process. 

 Desire (taṇhā) and attachment (rāga) are considered sources of suffering. However, this does not mean that they can be abruptly discarded, especially for those living as laypeople in the world. The process of transcending passion is gradual, requiring deep insight, compassion, and a commitment to spiritual growth. 

 The Role of Passion in Lay Life 

In lay life, passion often serves part of the bond between partners. This bond/marriage/relationship shouldn't be seen as negative, though it could problematic when it leads to excessive attachment, possessiveness, or unskillful actions. The path does not ask laypeople to renounce passion immediately but rather to work with it skillfully. 

The process of transforming passion can be likened to the ripening of a mango. In its early stages, the mango is green, hard, and sour—much like the raw energy of passion. As it ripens under the sun, it gradually becomes soft, sweet, and fragrant. This ripening cannot be forced; it happens naturally over time. Similarly, as individuals grow, the intense grip of passion begins to soften and transform into something more refined and subtle. 

As the intense grip of passion begins to soften and transform into deeper care and love for the person. Their beauty, both inner and outer, inspires joyful appreciation and fosters wholesome attitudes within the heart. The mind naturally moves toward goodwill and genuine affection for this individual, recognizing and cherishing their true essence. This growing sense of love and appreciation then extends beyond the personal relationships too. Love changes you to be a kinder, happier and better person. 

How to work with passion to cultivate it to more mindful/refined states of love:

Acceptance and Awareness: The first step is accepting passion as a part of your human experience without denying or suppressing it. Bringing mindful awareness to your desires allows you to see them clearly and work with sensations/samvedana. Never let go of samvedana when passion arises in the mind. Keep acknowledging and working on it at the level of samvedana. 

 Gradual Transformation: Like a ripe mango is automatically released from the tree branch, so is skillful cultivation and understanding of passion eventually leads to release from it. Cultivating yourself you move from gross desire to care ... to compassion and feeling of pure detached goodwill for everyone. Individuals progress on the path, the intense grip of passion naturally loosens. 

This doesn’t happen through force or denial but through a natural process of maturing spiritually, where the mind gradually lets go of its attachments. 

 Several stories from the Buddhist tradition illustrate the journey of partners working together on the path, gradually transcending passion while supporting each other's growth: 

  The Story of King Suddhodana and Queen Maya: The Buddha's own parents, King Suddhodana and Queen Maya, shared a deep and loving relationship. Their bond was marked by mutual respect and care, and although they were both deeply connected to the worldly life, they also supported each other’s spiritual inclinations. Their love was not just physical but also spiritual, contributing to their gradual progression on the path. 

  Yasodhara and Siddhartha: Before Siddhartha became the Buddha, his relationship with Yasodhara was one of deep affection and passion. However, as they both progressed spiritually, their love transformed. Yasodhara, after Siddhartha’s renunciation, also embarked on her own spiritual journey, ultimately attaining high levels of spiritual insight. Their relationship is a testament to how passion can evolve into something much more profound and spiritually enriching. 

 The Jātaka Tales: In many Jātaka stories, the Bodhisatta (the future Buddha) and his past companions (often depicted as his future wife Yasodhara) experienced lives filled with passion and desire. Over successive lifetimes, they worked together, refining their love and mutual respect, which eventually led them to higher spiritual attainments. 

  Understanding Passion in the Context of Karma In terms of karma, the creation of wholesome karma in a relationship comes from how one engages with passion and desire. If approached with mindfulness, integrity, and compassion, passion can be worked with and together the partners supports both partners' spiritual growth. The key is in the intention behind actions and the awareness brought to the relationship. 

 Supporting Each Other's Practice: Partners who support each other’s spiritual practice create strong, positive karma. This includes encouraging meditation, ethical conduct, and the cultivation of wisdom. 

 Cultivating Loving-Kindness (Metta): By cultivating metta towards each other, partners transform passion into a more selfless and compassionate form of love, which creates a strong foundation for spiritual growth. 

 Working with Impermanence: Acknowledging the impermanent nature of passion and relationships helps both partners to let go of excessive attachment and work towards a deeper, more enduring connection that transcends the purely physical. The journey of working with passion and desire within a committed relationship is one of gradual transformation. It's about accepting the present reality of passion, working with it skillfully, and allowing it to evolve naturally into a deeper, more subtle form of love. 

This process is long and requires patience, commitment, and mutual support. Over lifetimes, as individuals continue to refine their love and understanding, they move closer to enlightenment, where passion naturally fades away, and a more profound, selfless love takes its place. This journey is not about denial but about growth, integrity, and the gradual unfolding of wisdom and compassion.

The Heart of Dana

The Heart of Dana Dana, or generosity, is a mental factor predominantly. Wise people understand that physical actions are often beyond their control, yet they maintain the purity of their minds and guard their mental volition. Whether giving freely or facing corruption and unfavorable circumstances, they keep their intentions pure. This mental clarity and purity ensure that their merit is substantial, regardless of external conditions.

Case 1: The Generous Old Lady An elderly lady known for her kindness, decided to donate her only piece of land to build a monastery. Her physical gift was substantial, but it was the purity of her intention that held the true value. "This land will serve a higher purpose, a place of peace and learning," she said with a serene smile. Her volition was driven by a selfless desire to contribute to the spiritual growth of her community. Her pure intention preceded and elevated her physical act of giving, creating immense good kamma. The monastery flourished, its foundation rooted in Her genuine compassion and right intention.

Case 2: The Poor Man’s Gift
A poorman, struggled to make ends meet but was rich in spirit. He gathered a small bundle of materials to contribute to the monastery's construction. Though his offering was modest, his intention was pure and heartfelt. "This is all I have, but I give it with all my heart," he said. The monks and villagers recognized that his act was born from pure volition, not material wealth. His right intention was the basis of his merit, demonstrating that the value of an action lies in the mental factors behind it. His simple gift, given with a pure heart, generated great kamma.

Case 3: The Wealthy Landowner Vikram, a wealthy landowner, donated a vast expanse of land to the monastery, seeking recognition and social status. His physical act of giving was grand, but his intention was superficial. Despite the material benefit, his lack of pure volition limited the merit of his deed. The monks and villagers sensed the disparity between his outward generosity and his inward motivations. His example illustrated that without right intention, even the grandest physical actions could not yield significant merit.

Case 4: The Steadfast Noble In a nearby kingdom ruled by a corrupt king, a nobleman served reluctantly. Though he had to follow the corrupt king's orders, he maintained a heart filled with right intention and moral clarity. Arjun's actions, though constrained by external circumstances, were driven by his steadfast commitment to righteousness. His right intention was the predecessor and foundation of his deeds, enabling him to accumulate great merit despite the corrupt environment. He kept his mind stainless and pure unctouched by the physical actions around him, in his heart he didn't support corruption and maintained clear view. Maintaining right intention, even when bound by a corrupt system, allowed one to rise above and remain unscathed by the surrounding immorality. His inner purity and volition shone as a beacon of hope and integrity.

Case 4 is the situation where the mental voiltion has the most challenges, those with very high confidence in dhamma and grounded in right view, right intention and right volition can meet this situation and stay established in purity. Mental factors are the predecessors and basis of actions, determining the true value of deeds. The purity of one's heart and mind is the essence of generating good kamma and living a life of genuine merit. The teachings of kamma emphasized that every action, born from pure volition, could transcend material constraints and create lasting positive effects.

Quality of effort: Sometimes gentle and sometimes strong

  

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Sometimes it is a heads-on battle,
Facing gross instincts with quiet resolve,
Effort firm, like a river against the stone,
Uprooting weeds of doubt and desire,
Aware of sensations, leading to awareness of anicca

The enemy Mar/delusion is disguised and hidden ... and even if he is visible, you win by unwavering stance.

Hidden Mara, unseen foe,
You keep steady breath, mind on sensations,
Power of anicca begins to show.

When you work with vipassana, base instincts and defilements that caused the body to be stiff come up and begin to loose hold. Body becomes stronger and more flexible over time, breathing softer and steadier after initial tumultuous phases .. as you continue to work through. Lust that used hold us down gets replaced with beautiful quality of love and care, like in the deva world. The mind gets refined. But the struggle of rising up from the gross feelings is a long war with numerous battles with continuous rise and fall ... work through the tumultuous phases that come up to get released. Let layer after layer get uprooted. 

Base instincts, once held tight,

Loosen their grip, losing might,

Gross desires transform in light,

To love and care, pure and white.

Meditating calmly, like grass bending in the storm

To come out of mechanical practise and develop qualities of awareness and investigation ... it is a continuous practise, you have to tune into anicca sometimes by being gentle, bending like grass and surviving the storm. Tuning in the effort ...

Mind soft as morning dew nourishing the garden

As blades of grass bend safely in storm ... when strong trees get uproot and break. 

With gentle but unrelenting effort, penetrate the truth with anicca.

Death

All this drama is going to end one day

Day in day out - death

:)

Scraping off Sense-of-Self

Again with a stiff body I sat down for meditation, for the nth time in this life.

Stiff, stiff stiff, me me me. I gradually started noticing for the first time, the sense of me is instilled in each column of the spine, in each nerve, tissue, sinew … so filled up with the sense of self, and therefore so stiff.

Will take time to scrape it down and not paint new layers on it.

BIG task ahead

*Sense of self/ me me me - not to be understood as 'selfish'  but closer to the Pali word 'anatta' or non self

My Poem

Deep blue ocean of love
spread as far as eyes can see

I need no float, no mast, no ship
Flung myself to become one with the sea

Splash I did, and hard I hit
...o waves, no tides, the sea was gone
Soiled myself in a muddy bottom of a pond

Tell me what to do

I was speaking to my sister earlier ... apart from sharing an understanding we share many things in common ... just makes it easier to share and understand each other.

So, I was talking to her about choices I made and decisions done staking material things and saving conscientiousness and moral pride. Staking everything.

We then talked about how loads of people would 'compromise' and change their moral standards when they face opposing tides. Suddenly, when faced with a difficult situation there arises an inner conflict, and people say, ''I do not know what to do''!

And then this precious thought occurred to me - only few, very few have the clarity and courage of knowing what to do in difficult situations. Obviously if you are practicing Dhamma there is no doubt that you be with the truth, and then there are no doubts about what to do ...

Very few people have clarity and moral vision in rough times, these people have the ;rare' quality of knowing what to do.
This sets them apart from others, and this very quality of knowing what to do when times are rough, goes in makings of a good leader.

I mentioned this quality relating it with being a leader to my sister since she will be managing big businesses soon after she graduates from her MBA college in India.

So, leaders that have a strong foundation in vision that comes from goodwill for others and moral virtue will be in the right, they will be trusted and be loved!

When faced with a difficult situation they would not compromise themselves, rather they will Know what to do ...

Compromisers have the attitude - Tell me what to do

Meditation requires all good qualities, you will find many times that meditation appeals you to have qualities that you read in classic tales - tales of courage and sacrifice, of true love and dignity. Meditation requires you to know your own true answers. Meditation teaches you to not be 'tell me what to do' it teaches you to look within and find answers for yourself. The yogis do say the answers lies within!

It does indeed!